With All My Heart
by MadameCissy
Summary: After having taken part in an exchange programme Maura returns with an unexpected surprise. Jane throws herself at work but when disaster strikes they are left to realise that certain choices brought them to where they are. Rizzles.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **When Maura comes back from a three month exchange programme in Europe she brings an unexpected surprise with her. Coming to terms that maybe things will not turn out the way she secretly hoped, Jane throws herself at work and pushes herself to the limit. Her relationship with Maura becomes strained. But when disaster strikes every single life will forever be changed and some people are forced to look at some of the choices they made that brought them to where they are.

**Pairing: **It will be Rizzles later on but it will take me a little while to get there. No hate for what happens in the beginning please. I will ONLY write and ship Rizzles..

**Rating: **T.

**Disclaimer: **Rizzoli & Isles belongs to the amazingly talented Tess Gerritsen as well as the ingenious Janet Tamaro and TNT. Just adding to their brilliance with a twist of my own.

* * *

_Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that._  
_~Michael Leunig_

**Chapter 1**

The last rays of the afternoon sun disappeared behind the Boston skyline and slowly the streets began to fill with commuters making their way home after another long way at the office. The highway soon became gridlocked with cars nose to tail for as far as the eye could see. Darkness was falling rapidly. In December the days always felt shorter. Now that Thanksgiving was out of the way, the shop windows were illuminated by Christmas lights and bright coloured posters begging costumers to buy the latest toys, make-up or some other meaningless present. The wind was bitter cold and those making their way on foot were wrapped up in thick winter coats, hats with matching scarfs and gloves. The weather forecast promised snow. By tomorrow morning a fine dusting of crystal white snow would bring Boston to a surprising halt.

Detective Jane Rizzoli had only just walked back into Boston PD Headquarters. She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to regain some of the feeling in her fingers. Of course she had forgotten her gloves when she rushed out three hours earlier, about to arrest a guy suspected of killing his ex-girlfriend and running over her dog. It had resulted in a chase down some dodgy alleyway and for a split second it had looked like the guy was about to get away. Then Jane had gone into overdrive and caught up with him. For the next week or so he would bear the imprint of a metal fence across his face.

Her eyes subconsciously darted to the windows and she watched the darkness set in. She could smell the snow in the air and she wanted nothing more than to go home, put on her sweatpants and watch ESPN. Her head snapped up when she heard footsteps behind her and Frost and Korsak came in.

"Jane, I hear our perp's got a new facial tattoo," Frost snickered and Jane feigned a grin.

"Yeah. He's gonna look real good in his mug shot."

"Time to go home. There's going to be snow later and I don't fancy digging out my car," Korsak said as he took his coat from the back of his chair and when Jane and Frost sent him a questioning look he shrugged. "What? Paperwork can wait till the morning!"

Frost didn't protest and went about collecting his own things. Jane stood by her desk and her hand slipped in her pocket and pulled out her cell. When Frost caught her eye she sighed. "I'm just going to call Maura and…." Her voice trailed off when the realisation that she could not call the brunette medical examiner. She couldn't tell Maura what kind of day she'd had. She averted her eyes and ignored Frost's kind attempt of diverting her mind.

"Anything good on TV tonight?" he tried.

"Red Sox," Jane muttered and picked up her coat. Without looking at either Frost or Korsak Jane turned around and marched out of the homicide department. She pressed the button on the elevator and waited for the doors to swing open. She appreciated that Korsak and Frost stayed behind, knowing that she wanted to be alone. Sometimes she hated that she was surrounded by cops. They had perfect instincts and knew when it was safe to approach. This was not the right moment. The silver lift elevator doors swung open and Jane stepped into the confined space. To her irritation an annoying Christmas jingle started playing. Jingle Bells had never felt more misplaced.

Jane could not get used to not having Maura around. The sound of the medical examiner's heels clicking on the cheap lino that covered the department's floors was something she strangely missed the most. She had even come to miss Maura's uncanny habit of stating random facts at the most inappropriate moments as well as making startling observations most of the general population would miss. The morgue seemed strangely cold, colder than usual, without her. Jane did not like Maura's replacement. A stubborn and grumpy man in his mid-fifties with bad teeth and thinning grey hair. These days Jane made the effort of not going down there too often, unless she had to. The morgue no longer felt like home.

Jane had never before realised that twelve weeks could feel like an eternity. Maura had accepted a placement in Europe as part of a medical examiner's exchange programme. She was currently working in London, England. And, according to her emails, she was enjoying it and she was learning and discovering a lot. They were very Maura like, those emails. Detailed where others would neglect to mention the way the English coroners handled their victims. There was surprisingly little tourist information but Jane doubted Maura was driving around on a red double decker somewhere.

Jane glanced at her watch in an attempt to once again familiarise herself with the time zone differences. They had Skyped every so often, which meant that Jane had stayed awake till some unholy hour in the morning just to talk to Maura for a few minutes. She sounded excited whenever Jane spoke to her but what really made it worth the lack of sleep was seeing her smile on her laptop screen. It felt crazy, talking to a machine, but hearing Maura's voice somehow made it look better. Jane never told her she missed her, of course. She rambled on about the crazy replacement they had sent and every so often she passed on some messages from her colleagues. Actually, it was usually her mother who had things to say. Angela was housesitting whilst Maura was gone and she made a point of thanking her whenever the opportunity arose. It was surprisingly difficult to keep a conversation going whilst separated by thousands of miles.

Her mind was blurred by all those thoughts and it took a while for the time reflected on her watch to really sink in. But when it did Jane felt her heart suddenly skip and she swore under her breath. "SHIT!"

The doors swung open and Jane ran across the police headquarters' main reception hall and out of the glass front door. The cold wind robbed her from her breath and her lungs were instantly pressed against her ribcage. She reached the station's parking lot, unlocked her car from a distance and jumped behind the wheel. She reversed with squeaking tyres and joined the line of traffic trying to get out of Boston. Upon realising that she wasn't going to get out of the traffic jam anytime soon, Jane did the only thing she knew would get her to her destination on time. She reached for the siren on the front desk of her car and switched on. Blue and red lights as well as loud wailing caused the cars in front of her to disperse and with a smirk Jane increased her speed and finally got on her way.

~()~

Logan International Airport was relatively quiet and Jane walked into the Arrivals Hall with only a few minutes to spare. Her eyes trailed over the list of flights that had arrived in the last few minutes and felt her heart leap up when it showed the flight from London had landed half an hour early. She made her way through some of the waiting crowd towards the door and made sure she was in plain view. She pushed her hands deeply into pockets of her black slacks and cursed herself for not having gone home earlier. Instead she had tried to mask the vague scent of sweat with some deodorant and hoped that Maura would understand.

She was back today. Her best friend had landed and was probably waiting for her luggage on the other side. Jane took her cell and sent a quick text message. "_I am here. Please tell me you brought me a souvenir__.__"_There was no reply but Jane didn't mind. Maura was probably loading her tremendous amount of luggage on a trolley.

It didn't take too long for Jane to find Maura walking into the hall. The brunette pushed a trolley with four separate suitcases and her handbag hung over her shoulder. Hazel eyes scanned the Arrivals hall and lit up when she discovered Jane leaning against one of the billboards. Jane smiled sheepishly as she walked up her best friend and eagerly enveloped Maura in her arms.

"Hey," she said as she took in the sweet scent of Maura's perfume. How was it possible that this woman still smelled and looked amazing even after a 6 and half hour flight?

"Hi," Maura smiled and her arms closed around the raven haired detective's back.

"Did you miss me?" Jane asked playfully when she and Maura let go of each other.

Maura blinked. "Jane, I was only gone for twelve weeks!"

"I think you and I have a completely different perception of time," Jane smirked and went to reach for Maura's trolley. "Twelve weeks is the whole first trimester of a pregnancy!"

Maura's eyes darted to Jane's stomach in confusion. She furrowed her brow. "You're pregnant?"

"Never mind, Maur," Jane grinned and began pushing the trolley towards the exit. Maura fell behind. "Come on, I'm double parked and I am not sure if my badge will get me out of a ticket."

"Maura?"

Jane turned around when an unfamiliar woman's voice called her friend's name and she watched how Maura walked back towards the door through which she had just appeared. A woman, about Jane's age, with a short brown bob and dressed in pale jeans and a black sweater pushed a trolley containing two cases and she stopped now that Maura reached her. To Jane's surprise the two women then walked back towards her and when they reached her Jane noticed how Maura averted her eyes.

"Emily, meet Jane Rizzoli."

"Ah, the famous homicide detective I've heard so much about," the brunette said and extended her hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Jane."

Jane frowned. "Yes, that would be me," she replied hesitantly. She glanced at Maura. The medical examiner still did not meet her eye and Jane felt suspicion build up in the pit of her stomach. The familiar sharpness to her voice emerged when she shook the unknown woman's hand. She made it extra powerful. "And I am afraid I have no idea who you are, Emily."

"Emily Browne," the brunette replied in a way that made it sound like that the dark haired detective was supposed to know her name already. Jane's ears pricked up at the distinct British accent. "I work as a forensic pathologist for an independent lab in London."

"I see," Jane replied apprehensively and let go of the other woman's hand. "And this brings you to Boston?"

Emily smiled. "Yes. Well that and Maura of course."

Jane swallowed and her throat suddenly felt uncomfortable dry. "Maura?"

"She kept telling me how beautiful Boston is during the winter and I had a few holidays left to take so I decided to celebrate Christmas stateside this year," Emily answered and Jane watched in shock as she placed her hand on Maura's arm in a way that she had never expected a _friend _to do. The pieces of the puzzle began to fall together and she grabbed Maura's arm and practically dragged her away. The medical examiner nearly tripped over her feet. Jane sent Emily an apologetic look and made sure she and Maura were outside of hearing range.

Jane's dark eyes pierced into Maura's hazel brown. She felt betrayed. She felt lied to. All the emotions she had already felt once before, when Maura didn't tell her about Tommy being a suspect in a robbery case, returned. She thought they had moved away from that. She believed they had moved on. "When exactly were you going to tell me about this?"

Maura tried to speak. "Jane…"

_This is NOT what I meant when I said 'bring me back a souvenir, Maura'. _

"You didn't think it would matter if you brought some British woman back to Boston who is clearly a lot more than just a friend?" Jane hissed through clenched teeth. The hurt was written across her face. "Gees Maura, we talked regularly during the twelve weeks you were gone. Half an hour, three days a week and you didn't think you could at least tell me?"

"I didn't think that Emily would actually come," Maura confessed and Jane's eyes widened in surprise. Maura fumbled with her fingers and she reminded Jane of what she had looked like on that fateful day when Tommy got arrested. She could see the emotions flicker in her eyes. "I said that she should visit Boston some time and she took the invite literally, I think. Jane, I never intended not to tell you. I just…"

"Forgot to mention you're sleeping with a woman?"

Maura looked like a deer caught in headlines and there was a hint of surprise in her voice. "You don't approve?"

"It is not about my approval Maura; it is about you not feeling safe enough to tell me. Did you really think I wouldn't be your friend anymore just because you're latest bed bunny is a woman? For God sake Maura, my uncle Marty has slept with half the male population of Boston and my uncle Francis wears dresses."

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura whispered. "I'm really sorry."

"Forget it," Jane groaned and she walked back to fetch the luggage trolley. Emily cast her a curious look but Jane ignored it. She walked past Maura with her luggage and stalked towards the exit, not waiting for the medical examiner or her newfound lover to catch up. When she stepped out into the bitter cold night the sharp wind drew tears from her eyes. She had brushed them away by the time Maura and Emily appeared at her side and Jane went ahead to her double parked car. Glad to see she hadn't got a ticket she loaded Maura's luggage in the trunk and apologised to Emily for having to keep hers in the backseat.

"I wasn't expecting an extra passenger."

The venom didn't remain unnoticed by Maura and as she got in the passenger's seat she looked at the dark haired detective. She resisted touching her though she wanted to. Her hand hung frozen in mid-air. Her voice was soft and nearly broken. "Jane, are we OK?"

Jane didn't look at her. "Ask me that when I have made up my mind about whether I hate you or not."

She turned the key and the engine began to roar. She quickly manoeuvred the car from the drop off car park and overtook a slow driving taxi and a dodgy looking van. When she glanced beside her she found Maura staring straight ahead, her hands folded in her lap. Jane reached to readjust the rear view mirror and she caught Emily staring at her. Her stomach tightened.

There had been others. For both of them but especially for Maura. Jane knew about every single one of them. She felt angry and upset that Maura had not trusted her to talk about Emily. And Jane resented her for it. As she drove across the now slightly less busy highway she found herself occasionally looking at some of the streetlights as she passed them. Soft, delicate lights against the ink black sky. Jane didn't look at Maura for the remainder of their journey. It was quiet in the car with only the Christmas tunes on the radio for their company. Jane wasn't sure what had just happened but she felt like she had just lost the most beautiful thing in in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It had been three days since Maura unexpectedly brought Emily with her to Boston. Three agonisingly long days in which Jane had heard every detail about Maura and Emily, courtesy of her mother. Whenever Jane set one foot in the cafeteria, Angela had something else to tell her. Jane wondered how much there could possibly be to share after just three days but she did not dare ask. She had not met up with Maura since her return, though it wasn't what she had originally planned. She had taken an instant dislike to Emily and couldn't bear the thought of Maura sharing any more details than her mother already had. Angela Rizzoli seemed rather charmed by the British woman and had been pestering Jane to come over for dinner. The family meal was planned for tonight and as Jane watched the minutes tick away on her watch she wondered what the best excuse would be not to turn up.

Maura had tried calling her several times a day but after two days of unreturned calls and fifteen messages on Jane's voicemail, she had given up. When she had walked into the homicide department to update them on the case they had started working almost as soon as Maura came back, she dealt with Korsak and Frost as Jane excused herself and said she had leads to chase. The two men had stared in confusion from the doctor to the detective; neither quite understood exactly what caused Jane's bad mood.

"You still here, Rizzoli?"

Jane looked up. Korsak had finally emerged from the file room downstairs and stood in the doorway, ready to go home. She snorted. "No, I'm a freaking ghost. What does it look like? Of course I'm still here!"

He walked across the room and suspiciously eyed up the files on her desk. "What are you doing?"

"Paperwork."

"And you expect me to believe that? C'mon Jane, your paperwork has a worse reputation than Stanley's coffee!" Korsak answered and he searched the dark haired detective's face. It was clear something was bothering her, and he respected Jane's choice that she didn't talk about it, but to see her waste her evenings doing paperwork was something Korsak was not used to. "Why aren't you at Dr Isles' house? Frankie left two hours ago."

Jane sighed. That damned family dinner again. "I just want to finish up here. I'll go later."

Korsak nodded slowly, looking not entirely convinced. "Ok, kid. I'll see you in the morning."

She watched him leave the department and then fixed her eyes on the paperwork in front of her once again. Korsak was right. Her reputation for finishing paperwork on time was abysmal to say the least. She knew that her partner and friend had figured out something was troubling her. Korsak and Frost both knew her well enough to know when things were wrong. And things were very wrong, even though Jane did not quite understand why. She couldn't even explain her dislike towards Emily or her anger towards Maura. She felt guilty for not answering any of her calls but figured it was probably too late now to send a text message with some lame apology.

With a disgruntled moan Jane pushed her chair away from her desk and stood up. She would have to face the situation eventually and it might as well be tonight. She put on her coat and her gloves and left her unfinished paperwork for the next morning. She was the last to leave and turned off the homicide department's lights. The floor was shrouded in darkness and Jane used her senses to find her way to the elevator. As the doors closed and the annoying Christmas jingle started to play again, she took a few deep breaths and hoped and prayed that whatever tonight would bring, she'd cope.

~()~

She had just closed the front door behind her when hurried footsteps approached and Jane realised they belonged to her mother a split second before Angela appeared. Dressed in a simple black skirt and baby blue blouse, Angela Rizzoli looked lovely. Jane had quickly swung past her apartment and had gotten changed into a simple black dress. She knew her mother would approve. She was the one who had bought the dress for her after all. Her hair was still damp from the quick shower she took and the wet black ringlets fell down her shoulders.

"Janie," Angela smiled. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

"Yeah well that makes two of us" Jane answered. Before her mother managed to grab her arm, Jane took a step back towards the door. Her voice was reduced to a whisper and her eyes darted nervously in the direction of the living room. "Ma, can we talk?"

"Of course honey," Angela said. "What do you want to talk about?"

Knowing that the door to her left led to Maura's garage, Jane opened it and searched the wall for the light switch. The room suddenly bathed in soft golden light and Jane wasn't even surprised to find the space as clean and neatly organised as the rest of the house. Between Maura's habits and her mother's OCD, Maura's house was more sterile than a hospital OR. Jane closed the door behind her and found her mother curiously staring at her.

"What's the matter, Janie?"

"Emily freaking Browne is what the matter is!" Jane hissed and made a large hand gesture. "Who is this woman, Ma? And why did Maura have to bring her back to Boston? For the holidays? Really? I thought holidays were to be shared with family, not with some stranger!"

Angela's eyes narrowed. "Emily's not a stranger, Jane."

"Not to you because you have just spent the last three days with your new British best friend" Jane snapped. "But don't you think it's strange that Maura doesn't tell anyone about her and then just turns up at Logan Airport? I mean, what was she thinking?"

"I saw Dr Isles in the cafeteria this morning, Jane. She was eating her eggs and…" Angela felt herself become angry when Jane did not acknowledge her at all. She resisted taking her by the chin and forcing her to look at her like she had done when Jane was seven and did not want to confess to drawing on her bedroom wallpaper. "She was eating alone."

Jane glanced at her mother. She had inherited her temper and her stubbornness and in moments like these Angela wished Jane had just been a little bit more like her father. The dark haired detective sighed. "Did I miss the memo that made eating alone illegal, Ma?"

"For as long as I have been working in that cafeteria I see you and Dr Isles have breakfast together _every _morning. Pancakes for you and egg whites for her," Angela said and Jane had to admit that her mother was right. "For three months you sat in there, sulking that you had to eat alone and that your pancakes weren't the same. Now she's back and she's eating her breakfast alone? What's going on, Janie?"

"Nothing, Ma."

"Jane," Angela began but was cut off by the door opening behind her. Maura's head poked around and a little smile played around her lips. Angela could feel the atmosphere in the room shift now that the two women laid eyes on each other.

"I thought I heard voices." Maura's eyes sought out Jane. "Jane." She spoke her name tentatively, as if not sure whether she should talk to her at all.

"Maura."

"That chicken needs to come out of the oven," Angela said and without looking at her daughter she turned around and filed past Maura into the hall. Maura's hand rested on the door handle but she did not move. She and Jane stared at each other in silence for what felt like an eternity. It was eventually Jane who moved and stepped past her friend. As she did so she picked up a vague hint of Maura's expensive perfume and her stomach did an unexpected summersault. The next thing she felt was nausea and that feeling only got worse when she stepped into the kitchen. Frankie had just put the salad bowl on the neatly set table. Jane then discovered Emily standing by the sink, draining the hot water off the vegetables.

She found herself wishing the brunette would scold herself but then mentally reprimanded herself for wishing such horrible things. Emily put down the pan and turned around. She saw Jane and a smile spread across her face.

"Jane!" she cried out in excitement and wiped her hands on her jeans before crossing the kitchen. "Mara said she wasn't sure whether you could make it. I told her not to worry, You're her friend after all." Emily's eyes fixed on something behind Jane and she looked over her shoulder to find Maura standing by the table, obsessively rearranging the cutlery. Jane knew that she did that when she was stressed. Emily's excitement knew no end. "See, I told you she'd be here, didn't I, darling?"

_Darling. _Jane felt her stomach twist and suppressed a gag when she heard the drawling tone with which Emily spoke that word. Without saying a word she walked up to Angela who was about to take the chicken out of the oven. She snatched away the oven gloves and ignored her mother's protests when she picked up the tray. One look at her daughter's darkened eyes told Angela all she needed to know and she watched with a pained expression as Jane stomped towards the dining table and put the oven tray down a little too unkindly. Maura, still arranging forks, jumped. She and Jane looked at each other. Neither spoke.

"Janie, go and grab some beers from the garage, allright?" Angela said and reassured Emily that Jane was perfectly capable of getting the drinks after the brunette offered to do it instead. Jane missed the look her mother gave Frankie and walked off, scowling. She went back into the garage where she had spoken to Angela only minutes earlier and cursed Maura under her breath for keeping her spare beers anywhere other than a fridge. Just as she had taken the six pack down from the shelve she became aware of a presence behind her and spun around. Frankie stood barricading the door.

"What's going on, Jane?"

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Since when do you have permission to stick your nose in my business?"

Frankie was used to his sister's short temper and her defensiveness. It was the way Jane was; always bottling up her emotions because she did not want the world to think of her as weak or pathetic. He knew which buttons to push to wind her up but he also knew his way around the minefield that was his sister's heart and find out what was troubling her. He sighed. "Do you need a mirror? Your face, Jane! You're like a friggin' thundercloud. Maura is walking on egg shells in there and you expect us to just carry on as normal?"

"Yeah well that seems to be the theme of the day, isn't it? Just carry on as normal and pretend nothing happened!" Jane snapped. "We are all just going to play one big happy family whilst some stranger has just walked in and is rapidly becoming best friends with Ma!"

Frankie cocked his head. "What's really going on here, sis?"

"Nothing!"

"You know, I always respected your ability to stay nice to all the idiots Dr Isles dated. No matter how screwed up they were, you always managed to stay friendly," Frankie said and his eyes raked over his sister's slender frame. He could see the hurt flickering behind her eyes. It was there, right underneath the surface. But plenty of years working as a homicide detective had made Jane Rizzoli a master of hiding those emotions. "Is it because Emily's a woman?"

"I told Maura about Uncle Marty and Uncle Francis, Frankie," Jane sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Do I look like I care that Maura's latest bed bunny has tits instead of a penis?"

"You haven't talked to her for three days. I have never seen you like this."

"She didn't trust me, Frankie._ Again_. She didn't feel like she could tell me she is dating Emily. I mean, we're best friends. We're supposed to tell each other when we're seeing someone!" Jane said and shook her head. She wasn't even sure why she was so upset this time. It hurt more the second time, even though the situations were different. She had tried to hate Maura when she didn't tell her about Tommy. She hadn't been able to even hate a single hair on the medical examiner's head. But now, now she wasn't so sure. "Maura doesn't trust me."

"Have you thought about why she doesn't trust you?"

"Hey, how did this end up being about me? Maura's the one who lied to me for three months!" Jane exclaimed. She knew that Maura could probably hear her in the kitchen and right at this moment she didn't care. "What is it about that woman anyway? She's got some fancy accent but what else? She's nothing special."

Frankie's eyes narrowed and suddenly it hit him. Like a meteorite coming through the Earth's atmosphere. "That's what this is about, isn't it? Not that Maura's new lover is a woman but that that woman isn't _you_."

"What? NO!" Jane answered and her dark eyes pierced into those of her brother. "No!"

She pushed him aside and opened the door. With the six-pack under her arm she walked back to the kitchen and was just in time to see Emily lean in and kiss Maura's cheek. She nearly dropped the six pack and unexpected tears welled up in her eyes. It startled her and Jane spun around before anyone could see it. She planted the beers on the counter and it was a relief to hear her cell phone ring in her purse. Before her mother could protest she had answered. It was Korsak and when she heard him mention there had been another murder in their latest gang related case, she could only smile.

She apologised for having to leave and just before leaving the room Jane turned around and found Maura looking at her. She could see so much in those hazel brown eyes. Maura seemed sad, Jane realised. The medical examiner did not have to speak for Jane to know she was sorry. But sorry wasn't going to salvage what had been destroyed. Jane smiled weakly and left the kitchen and then the house. Once outside and safely in her car, she rested her head against the steering wheel in utter desperation.

She thought about what Frankie had said, back in the garage. She didn't want to admit that maybe her brother was right. But she heard his voice whisper in the back of her mind. _That's what this is about, isn't it? Not that Maura's new lover is a woma__n but that that woman isn't you._

She had known for quite some time that her feelings for Maura went beyond friendship. And she had done everything imaginable to deny it or change it, but it had all been futile. The emotions and feelings were here to stay, it seemed. Like a simmering fire, slowly burning inside of her. As the weeks had turned into months she had finally come to accept that fact and the feelings had simply found a quiet corner in her every day to day life. Every so often the emotions would rage through her, overwhelming her to an extent that she became scared. But most days she lived quietly, almost peacefully, with the knowledge that she loved her best friend and that her best friend would never love her back.

It wasn't until Maura left that Jane had realised how bad those feelings really were. Suddenly she had found herself missing the sound of her clicking heels. It was surprising how long a bottle of red wine lasted when Maura wasn't around. The cheese she kept in her fridge had gone mouldy and she had to throw it away. Her life had shaped itself around Maura and the realisation that it had been take away, albeit temporarily, had caused everything to crumble.

Jane looked up and wiped the stray tear from her cheek and started the car's engine. She put it in reverse and drove off Maura's drive. It had started snowing again. What had been predicted as a small dusting of snow was rapidly turning into a wintery storm. Four inches of the white stuff now covered the sidewalks and most of the side streets and Jane realised that her journey was going to take a lot longer than she had planned.

As she left Maura's house behind she never noticed the lone figure staring out of the kitchen window. Maura had watched Jane get in her car and had noticed how the dark haired detective had rested her head on the wheel. And now that she watched the taillights disappear down the road, swallowed up by a curtain of white snowflakes, a sad sigh escaped her throat. Suddenly she felt a pair of arms around her waist and Emily softly kissed the back of her neck.

"Everything allright?"

"Yeah," Maura answered as she swallowed her tears away. "Everything's fine."

* * *

**Now hit that review button! Chocolate cookies for those who do!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews guys. I'll have to bake more chocolate cookies! And also, thanks for all the Emily hate. I created her with the intention of being disliked. She is a mixture of Frankie's stupid ex-girlfriend and a cheap, slightly less attractive version of Crossing Jordan's Jordan Cavanaugh - adding the English accent of course. Many of you have been asking to get rid of Emily and I will. In due time. Things have to get worse before they can get better, right?

**A/N2: **I have made a trailer to go along with this story. It is live on YouTube under the same title as this story. "With All My Heart". My username is MysteriousFlower22. Go and check it out.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

It took Jane nearly an hour to get from Maura's house to the address of the crime scene. Traffic was slow. She was surrounded by commuters still trying to make their way home as well as the occasional moron deciding to go for a leisurely drive. The amount of snow and ice on the roads didn't help either. She had nobody to talk to and had no company other than her own thoughts and was left with just the crappy Christmas tunes they seemed to playing on every radio station she tried. The last thing she wanted to hear was some god awful version of Santa Clause Is Coming To Town and when the one station she had found that didn't seem to be playing any seasonal tunes killed off her last hope by announcing Mariah Carey's 'Miss You Most At Christmas Time', Jane turned off the radio and drove in silence.

Feeling agitated and severely frustrated she eventually pulled up at the address Korsak had given her and got out of the car. The streets were covered in slushy, dirty snow and she attempted to avoid some of the larger puddles but her high heeled pumps and dress was no match against the wintery weather. The cold was harsh against the bare skin of her legs. She crossed the street and found herself confronted with a cordoned off alleyway in between two apartment buildings. The yellow police tape marked the crime scene area and she felt her heart sink in her chest when she discovered the crowd of teenagers lurking around. They were all deadly silent. She knew the neighbourhood they were in. Nobody here spoke to the police unless they had a death wish.

"Hey," said Korsak when she ducked under the police barrier after having flashed her badge at the officer standing guard. Her partner's eyes raked over the detectives frame and upon realising Jane wore a dress he became sympathetic. "I can get you a jumpsuit from one of the crime scene units if you want."

Jane nodded in thanks and Korsak signalled for one of the officers to go and get the jumpsuit from the van. She knelt down beside the body on the cold floor. She rubbed the bridge of her nose with her wrist and shook her head. Their victim was a young male, no older than sixteen. He was dressed in black jeans, the latest style sneakers and a leather jacket. He lay sprawled on his back, one hand next to his head, the other beside him. Empty brown eyes stared up to the grey sky above their heads though he would never see the clouds again. Jane quickly counted three separate bullet ones in his chest as well as one large gaping hole between his eyes.

She would never get used to seeing dead kids. She had seen plenty of dead bodies throughout her career. She had seen them in every stage of decomposition and, although she wasn't a fan of the maggots and the flies, she could live with even the gruesome scenes. But it were the children that got to her. A child's innocence shouldn't be taken away by death, Jane believed. Whenever a child died, she grieved a little bit inside.

Frost appeared at her side and showed her something in one of the plastic evidence bag. Jane sighed. The card that he showed her was becoming way too familiar.

"King of Hearts. Montoya's signature," she said. "Where did you find it?"

"Next to the body. Just like the others," Frost answered and pointed at one of the yellow markers on the ground with the number 4 on it.

"This is the third gang related shooting in as many days" Jane pushed herself up and smiled in appreciation when a uniformed officer brought her a jumpsuit and a pair of worn out sneakers. She kicked off her pumps, stepped into the dark blue jumpsuits and pulled it up over her dress. As soon as her legs were covered she felt far more comfortable. She zipped the suit up and stepped into the sneakers. They were a size too big but it would do for now. She wasn't trying to win a beauty pageant here.

Frost's eyes were fixed on the dead boy on the ground. "Looks like Montoya is cleaning house."

"Yes, but why? He has no real rivals. The other gangs operating in this neighbourhood and surrounding areas have no influence on anything. He controls the drugs and the alcohol and owns at least half these buildings," Jane said and looked around. When her eyes fixed on the police cordon she found that most of the teenagers had disappeared. Most of the people around here were ghosts, Jane knew. Too afraid to talk and too afraid they would be the next one to end up in an alleyway somewhere.

"Personal vendetta?" Korsak suggested as he joined Jane and Frost again. "Everything's personal to these guys."

Jane brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and suddenly something hit her. She had been the only one to get a call about this crime scene. She looked at Korsak. "Why didn't you call Maura?"

Korsak glanced at Frost before meeting Jane's eyes. Both had gotten used to the strange atmosphere between Jane and Maura and though they would never speak it out loud, both had sided with Jane even though they didn't know what the problem was. It was what partners did. They had each other's back. Korsak tried to smile. "We thought we'd be doing you a favour."

Jane's eyes darkened suspiciously. "If Maura isn't the medical examiner on this then who is?"

Before either of the two men could answer, a male voice could be heard coming from behind them and Jane spun around. Upon seeing the man who had worked as Maura's replacement for the past twelve weeks she groaned in frustration. This meant she would have to deal with him for a little while longer. "Really? You sent for Dr Grumpy? I thought he'd left already!"

Frost shrugged. "His placement lasts till the end of the week. It was him or Dr Isles. Neither one seems very high on your list of favourites at the moment. About that, are you going to tell us what the deal is between you and Dr Death?"

"No," Jane answered firmly and watched with irritation as Dr Gibbons, Maura's replacement, went about checking and processing the body. When Frost was about to protest she gave him a dark glare. "I'd have to kill you if I did and I don't want Korsak to throw my ass in jail. And stop calling her Dr Death."

Korsak stepped in, a smirk lingering on his face. However it quickly faded as he shared the details about the dead boy in the alley. "Victim's name is Carlos Galindez, sixteen. Originally from Puerto Rico, only been in Boston for six years, legally. Lives in one of the apartment buildings with his mother and two sisters. I had uniforms knock on the door but no one's home."

Jane rolled her eyes. It wasn't uncommon for doors to remain locked during gang related cases. "Whenever there's a gang related shooting, no one's _ever_ home."

The sharp ringing of Korsak's cell phone interrupted the rest of their conversation and Jane watched from a safe distance as Dr Gibbons checked the body for exit wounds. As she stood watching him, she imagined it being Maura who knelt down in the disturbed snow next to the body and examined the boy. The mere thought of the brunette doctor made her chest ache and Jane tried to keep the turmoil of emotions safely locked away. When she felt a large hand on her shoulder she was snapped out of her musings and found Korsak standing behind her.

"Patrol car spotted three men on an industrial estate about three miles from here. One of them matches the description of Victor Montoya."

"Great," Jane muttered and glanced over her shoulder at the medical examiner. "Dr Gibbons, would you be as kind to text me when the autopsy is finished?"

He didn't even look up. "Of course, detective Rizzoli."

She wanted to say something, let some of her anger out. But she knew better. It was nobody else's fault but her own that things had turned out the way they did. Actually, it wasn't her fault at all. It was Maura's fault. Because she had turned up with Emily without even telling her. She knew Jane was coming to pick her up from the airport, like they had agreed, and still she didn't say anything. The mere thought of the brunette forensic pathologist with her drawling voice and her stupid British accent made Jane's inside boil. She tore her eyes away from the dead boy on the ground and pushed her hands deeply into the pockets of her jumpsuit.

She quickly caught up with Frost and Korsak who had both already left the crime scene and Korsak gave her the address they were heading to. She climbed behind the wheel of her car, started the engine and followed the tail lights of Frosts' car away from the crime scene and towards the industrial estate. A weak wintery sun appeared from behind the clouds and reflected of the snow, nearly blinding her. The three mile journey took longer than anticipated but much to Jane's surprise and approval the industrial estate had been cleared of most of the snow and ice. Here and there a small heap reminded them of the wintery scenes outside the gates but other than that, the concrete slaps were clear.

Jane pulled up beside Frost's car and got out. Korsak pointed at one of the buildings to their left and as they drew their weapons Jane spotted the patrol car around the corner. It had been circling the site but now it stopped and two armed uniformed officers stepped out and quietly joined ranks with the three detectives. The wet concrete slaps muffled their footsteps as they approached the warehouse. It was built out of old fashioned red bricks and had floor to ceiling wooden doors. They looked heavy.

"Three male suspects inside, driving a black Lincoln," said one of the uniformed officers. Jane's eyes darted to his name badge. Officer Franklin. "They have been inside for about thirty minutes. No movement."

"Thank you, officer," Jane smiled in appreciation. "One of those men is gang leader Victor Montoya. Heard of him?"

"Who hasn't?" Officer Franklin answered. "The guy that shoots up kids in the poorer neighbourhoods so nobody talks to the cops. Real badass, that one."

"Yeah. Real badass." Jane's finger secured itself around the trigger of her gun as the five of them approached the heavy wooden doors. Jane took the lead position and the four men served as her cover. She signalled for them all to move in closer. Her heart pounded against her ribcage and adrenaline rushed through her veins. The jumpsuit she wore rubbed against her legs and the dress underneath had crawled all the way up to her thighs. Jane took one step towards the doors. And then another. A tentative third... Then she froze….

"JANE!"

It all happened so quickly. She didn't even get a chance to scream. Her brain only had a split second to recognise the sound of a car engine roaring behind the doors. Her eardrums nearly burst under the sheer volume and strength of the explosion. The next moment thousands of wood splinters flew through the air. Large pieces of wood began to rain down on all of whom were present. The sound of snapping and splintering wood was accompanied by the sound of breaking glass as her body made contact with the car's front screen. The scream that built up in the back of her throat died before it had even left her lips. The pain knocked her out almost immediately and in one last flash she saw the driver's head, a grin plastered across his twisted face. Then the darkness swallowed her up and she no longer felt anything at all.

Her body bounced off the screen and flew back through the air before landing on the hood. The metal dented there where her body impacted. The sickening sound of fracturing bones echoed through the brief moment of surprising silence. Then the brakes squeaked. The tyres were spinning and the stench of burnt rubber filled the noses of those who watched in horror. As if in slow motion her body slumped off the hood and slid down onto the frozen ground. The car instantly changed gears and was put in reverse before it sped off in the direction of the wide open gates.

Jane Rizzoli lay on the ground and the small amount of crystal white snow near her body began to turn red. She didn't move.

~()~

Maura answered the front door after the loud, persistent knocking. Behind her, in the kitchen, Angela and Emily were still washing up the pots and pans from dinner whilst Tommy and Frankie had claimed the couch and were watching the football game. She had wiped her hands on a tea towel and now crossed the hallway towards the door. As she opened it a cold gust of wind swept into the house and brought in some of the snow from outside. It dusted her wooden flooring.

"Oh my God!"

Frost stood outside. His hands and shirt were covered in blood and he wasn't wearing a coat. He was shaking and as Maura reached out to him to help him inside he shook his head.

"It's Jane," he said, his teeth clattering together because he had been waiting for Maura to open the door. The cold took away his voice and his breath. "She's hurt. I-I don't know…. I think she's dead…."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Ok, folks. I have never had a story that got so many reviews so quickly (not even some of my best Harry Potters did that well!). We're over 50, only 3 chapters in and I am so so grateful. I really need to start baking extra chocolate cookies. Your comments mean a lot and though I appreciate the Emily hate (what writer says it's OK to hate their own creation?), please don't give Maura as much grief. She made a mistake but she's human. And she'll make it right. And for those of you who briefly considered whether I was actually going to kill Jane... REALLY? LOL. No way in hell am I going to get rid of the best badass detective the TV world has seen for generations! So here is chapter 4. More angst. Because I thrive off it. And I love it. And I know you guys do too. So here's to you.

**PS**. the movie trailer for this story is now linked on my profile.*click*

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**Chapter 4**

The drive to the hospital went by in a haze. Maura didn't even remember getting in the car. She couldn't even remember what had happened after Frost had appeared outside her front door. Someone had driven her to the hospital. She didn't remember getting here. She didn't remember Frankie meeting her and Frost by the door and seeing the blood smeared across the detective's face and hands. She didn't remember Angela's wail of terror when she heard her daughter was injured. Maura Isles' mind was suddenly empty and she didn't feel a single thing at all.

She sat on the hard and uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room, oblivious to the voices and figures around her. Doctors in white coats and blue surgical scrubs rushed past. Nurses answered phones, carried supplies and attended to minor injuries. Maura's eyes were fixed on the floor, her hands neatly folded in her lap. Her heart beat steadily in her chest and slowly the monotone buzzing from the ceiling lights began to get through to her. At any other moment she would have been overexcited about sitting in an ER waiting room and would have marvelled about being surrounded by so many things that interested her. But now she was just frightened.

She slowly became aware of the person sitting next to her when a hand searched for hers. She looked up to find Frankie's kind dark eyes search her face. He looked pale, Maura thought. Though she had not seen her own face, she too looked pale. She had been biting on her bottom lip and a blister had formed. She had not even felt the quiet tears chase down her cheeks. Frankie's hand squeezed hers and she let her breath escape.

Footsteps approached and Angela walked into Maura's line of vision. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Her face was gaunt and she suddenly looked fifteen years older. She was being supported by Tommy. His arm lay protectively around her shoulder. He had been pacing alongside his mother as she walked up and down the waiting room. Angela had torn apart the plastic coffee cup in which a nurse had offered her some water. There were shards of white plastic everywhere.

Maura's eyes eventually found Frost and Korsak, who were sitting a little bit further away. Both were covered in blood. She couldn't look at them too long. She knew that the stains were deceptive and couldn't give a clear indication about how much blood Jane had lost. She couldn't even rationalise the possible injuries she could have sustained. She looked away just as Frost looked up. He had washed his hands several times in the small basin in the corner of the waiting room. Maura had watched him every time. Cold water did not make the blood come off. Every time he scrubbed his hands he was more desperate than the time before.

"I finally managed to park the car," a soft whisper said to her left and Maura looked up. Emily had walked into the ER and sat down next to Maura. She brought some of the outside cold in with her. She sought for the medical examiner's hand Maura let her take it. "Have they said anything yet?"

Maura quietly shook her head. She had no idea how long she'd been here. Minutes, maybe hours. There was a clock on the wall and the minutes had been ticking away but she had no concept of time. All she knew was that it had gone dark outside since they arrived. Another day over. She hoped, prayed, that it had not been the last time she had seen Jane.

She didn't understand what had happened between them. Sure, she had figured out that she perhaps ought to have told her best friend about Emily. She didn't even know why she hadn't. It had been easy, back in London. Surprisingly easy and surprisingly natural. But as the day she had to return to Boston came nearer it had become more and more difficult. If she had just told Jane from the beginning, none of this would have happened. She could see the dark haired detective was hurt. And she knew it was why Jane had pushed her away. It hurt that Jane did not want to talk to her. And Maura hoped that today wasn't the last time she had seen her friend. She wasn't sure whether she could ever live with the guilt.

"She shouldn't have been there. She should have been at home having dinner." Angela's voice invaded Maura's mind. "Janie… she shouldn't have been there… she shouldn't have been there…" The words repeated themselves over and over, like a mantra. Maura wanted to get up and comfort her. Say something that could maybe ease some of the fear. But as she stood up her knees did not support her weight and she fell down, landing harshly on the cold ER waiting room floor. She felt Emily's hands on the small of her back. Frankie was by her side, reaching for her arm. And then Angela was there, to comfort her. She helped her up like a mother would help up a child that had fallen down and grazed its knees. She wrapped the medical examiner up in her arms and both women cried.

A door at the other side of the ER opened and a doctor dressed in clean scrubs and a white coat appeared. Maura spotted him first and her arms slipped away from Angela, who also turned around. Frankie and Tommy stood up as well as Frost and Korsak. The atmosphere in the waiting room shifted and Maura experienced the sickening feeling of nerves and adrenaline at the same time. She did not have the mental ability to identify the hormones in her bloodstream. Her throat became dry and she felt Angela reach for her hand. She willingly took it.

"Mrs Rizzoli?"

Angela's voice trembled. "Yes?"

The words the doctor spoke next were earth shattering. "Your daughter's stable."

"Oh thank God for that."

Maura didn't believe in God but right at this moment in time, she didn't care. Her hand covered her mouth and a soft sob escaped as her insides exploded with joy. Someone wrapped an arm around her and she looked up, half and half expecting it to be Frankie but it was Emily. The brunette kissed Maura's hair and Maura leant in to the comforting touch. Angela's hand slipped out of hers.

"We had to remove her spleen as it was ruptured by the large piece of wood that penetrated her abdomen. Don't worry, she can live without it and not even know its missing" explained the doctor. Maura's eyes darted to his name tag. O'Malley. He continued. "She sustained a patella fracture, or a broken kneecap. This was most likely the result from the car impacting against her legs. During the surgery we restored it to its original position, with a plate and some screws as it was pretty messed up. What worries us most as this moment in time is the cerebral oedema or the swelling of the brain."

"Her brain?" Angela whispered. Both her sons now stood beside her. Each had wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong with her brain?"

"Your daughter's brain has swollen due to the impact. This increases the pressure inside her skull. The pressure however is minimal and is not obstructing the blood flow but we are continuing to monitor her closely," Dr O'Malley answered and his eyes fixed on Angela. "She is currently on a respirator. This will maintain a healthy blood supply to her brain as well as help her body breathe. However, if the pressure continues to mount we may have to make a small hole in her skull and insert a drain tube to relieve the swelling."

"But she's fine, besides all those other things?" A nervous giggle rose up from the group of people as Tommy asked the question. To still be positive, even in a moment as raw as this, was something that was truly Tommy. And though it might be inappropriate to smile, Maura's lips curled up anyway.

Angela took a step in the doctor's direction. "Can-can we see her?"

Dr O'Malley eyed up the group and made his judgement there and then. "No more than two at a time for now and no longer than fifteen minutes. We will be moving her to the ICU in a little while. We're just waiting for the nurses to prepare her room. We are keeping her in a medical sleep for now, until the pressure in her brain has eased off. When we wake her up in a few days we will also remove the respirator."

"Will she know we're there?" Frankie asked.

Maura knew the answer to that question. It was generally assumed that patients in a medical coma did not know when people were at their bedsides, though there were plenty of stories that said differently. As a medical doctor herself she knew all about not getting people's hopes up when the future wasn't looking too bright.

Doctor O'Malley shook his head. "I can't say. She might but it is just as likely that she won't. Fifteen minutes, that's all. And a fair warning, she looks pretty beat up and all the tubes and wires sticking out of her can be very frightening. But believe me when I say it's probably worse than it looks."

Angela nodded. She tried to be confident but Maura could see her façade. She was broken, nervous and scared. She reached for the older woman's hand and Angela's eyes found hers.

"Do you want to come with me, sweetheart?"

"What? Me? No, no, no," Maura answered and looked around for Frankie or Tommy. "You should take Frankie or Tommy. It should be family…"

"Maura, honey, you _are _family," Angela reassured her and she squeezed Maura's hand. "Besides, I couldn't choose between those two." Her eyes sought out her sons and it was as if the three Rizzoli's shared a look that Maura had yet to learn to understand. "And I am sure they could wait."

Without waiting for either of her sons to actually answer, Angela took Maura's arm and they followed Dr O'Malley through the doors he had just appeared through. They stepped into another room, which turned out to be part of the ER, and O'Malley went ahead to one of the ER rooms at the end of the corridor. The door was slightly ajar and Maura took a deep breath before following Angela inside. Her heart hammered in her chest and the palms of her hands were sweaty. As she stepped into the room the distinct sound of a heart monitor beeping and the pushing sound of the respirator filled her ears.

"Jane," she whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes as she crossed the room and her fingers closed around the cold metal barrier on the bed. Angela stood on the other side, her eyes fixed on her daughter's still body.

The dark haired detective lay in the hospital bed; her black curls sprawled out over the pillow. Her face was bruised and swollen and there were small cuts on her cheeks and forehead where the glass and wood had cut through her skin. Her hands rested on the blanket. Maura observed broken nails and more cuts and grazes. There was a large swelling under the blankets and she guessed it was Jane's broken knee wrapped up in plaster. Her chest rose and fell slowly, in the same motion as the respirator. Her eyes rested on the tube that had been inserted into Jane's airway. Something about intubation always made Maura shiver. Today was no different. The heart rate and blood pressure were stable and Maura tentatively reached for Jane's hand. They were surprisingly warm.

"Oh baby," Angela said softly and Maura's eyes darted from Jane's face to Angela's and back. She looked strangely calm and peaceful, Maura thought. Unlike the Jane she usually saw. There was no tension in her hands, no stress written across her face. Subconsciously her thumb rubbed the scar on the back of Jane's hand, left behind by Hoyt the very first time he had attacked her.

As she stood at Jane's beside, she was taken back to the shooting at headquarters the year before. She had been the first at Jane's side, her knees had scraped across the stone steps leading up to the building as she fallen down beside her. Within seconds her hands had been covered in Jane's blood. The pressure she applied to the wound, front and back, was what eventually saved her life. Jane didn't know. Maura never told her. The first few days had been horrible. Nobody knew whether Jane would live. She had sat at her bedside day after day and she had been there when Jane opened her eyes. She had suffered such traumatic injuries that Jane could no longer remember the moment she had actually woken up. She didn't remember Maura being there, holding her hand, just like she was now.

The fifteen minutes passed way too quickly and Maura had thought of nothing to say. She had just held Jane's hand until the moment three nurses came in, ready to wheel Jane's bed halfway across the hospital to the ICU. She took a step back after having carefully put Jane's hand back down on the blanket and watched as the nurses skilfully and carefully manoeuvred Jane's bed and all the medical equipment out of the room. The last nurse turned around in the doorway.

"We'll take her up to ICU. You should be able to see her in a few minutes and you're free to stay as long as you wish."

"Thank you," Angela said. More tears trickled down her face.

"She's strong." It were the first words Maura had managed to speak since seeing Jane. She nodded, as if to add something to her words. Nervously she fumbled with her hands. "She's strong. She's overcome so much, she'll get through this."

Angela sighed. "The moment she wakes up I am going to demand she makes a career change."

Maura doubted whether Jane would ever consider leaving the force. The Jane Rizzoli she knew, her best friend, lived for being a cop. It was what she was born to be. She was devoted to her work and Maura had personally seen that devotion flicker in Jane's dark eyes. She reached out her hand to Angela and together they walked back to the ER waiting room. There they met up with Frankie, Tommy, Frost and Korsak.

"Go home. Have a shower. She's stable now," Angela said to the two detectives. Whenever she looked at them she flinched as she was confronted with Jane's blood on their clothes. Both Frost and Korsak seemed reluctant to leave, even though they were covered in blood and had not eaten for hours.

"You want me to drive you?" Maura offered but Frost shook his head dismissively.

"No, doc. You should stay here, with Jane," he answered and Maura nodded.

"I'll take you," Emily unexpectedly piped up. Before anyone could answer she leant in and quickly pecked Mara on her cheek and briefly took her hand. "Maur, I'll get you a change of clothes from home and meet you back here in a few hours, OK?"

"Frost?" Maura called the detective back just before he stepped outside and he turned around just before leaving the waiting room. She crossed the few metres that separated them and her hazel eyes met his dark brown. She was perhaps the only one unfazed by the blood on his shirt or hands. "Thank you."

He looked puzzled. "For what?"

"For coming to me" Maura answered. She had understood why the detective had come to her house, even though the drive had been nearly an hour long for him to get there. She knew what he had done. For Jane. "Thank you for doing what you did. You didn't want us to find out what had happened to Jane from another cop or from the hospital."

Frost swallowed. The lump in his throat did not shift. "I thought that…." His voice trembled. The shock over what had happened, over what he had seen happen to his friend, had not yet subsided. "…that if she didn't make it….. A friend should be one to tell her family and ot some stranger…"

"I understand," Maura answered.

Frost reached for Maura's hand. "Go be with Jane. She needs you now."

"I will," Maura replied and watched as the detective left the waiting room and joined Korsak and Emily outside. She sighed. "I will."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Chairs in hospital rooms were not made for sleeping in, and especially not if they were being slept in for several nights in a row. Even the reclining armchairs in the ICU were uncomfortable. Wrapped up in a standard issue dark blue hospital blanket, Maura's eyes once again trailed over Jane's face. She had lost count of the amount of times she had done that. Hundreds? Thousands, maybe? And whenever she did, she hoped she would see a flutter behind Jane's eyelids. They never moved and Maura knew they wouldn't. Jane was still in a medical coma.

It had been almost forty-eight hours since the fateful crash. Since then Korsak and Frost had managed to track down one of the guys in the car at the time, though the main ringleader was still unaccounted for. When he came to visit last night, Frankie had told Maura that Frost nearly smashed the guy's head through the one way mirror during interrogation. Had it not been for Korsak, the gang member would probably be lying in the morgue somewhere.

There was a soft knock on the door and Maura looked up. Angela stepped into the room, a little smile playing around her lips. She didn't look as gaunt as she had done in the first few hours after the accident and she had stopped crying after the first day. It seemed Angela had regained some of her usual optimism. A trait that was shared by all the Rizzoli's and it was the optimism that Maura admired the most about every single one of them. Now that the events had sunk in she had begun reading Jane's charts and though they were daunting, she had found a little bit of hope in knowing that her best friend had already overcome all the other defeats in her life.

In the twelve hours after the accident Jane's brain had continued to swell and the neurosurgeon had drilled a small hole into her skull to relieve some of the pressure after taking her for an MRI. There was a small bleed on the brain but he had reassured them it was nothing to worry about. Maura believed him. He had shown her the MRI and she knew he was telling the truth. The words "brain" and "bleed" were frightening enough on their own, let alone when put together in the same sentence. The pressure in Jane's brain had reduced after the hole had been drilled and the first tests this morning showed that things looked back to normal.

"How is she this morning?" Angela asked, knowing Maura would have been presented during the early morning rounds. "Any changes"?"

Maura smiled weakly. "There is no longer any pressure in her brain. The tube did its work and the surgeon removed it this morning."

"That is wonderful news!" Angela exclaimed and she walked around the bed and took her daughter's hand into her own. "You hear that, Jane, your brain is back to normal!" Her eyes darted back up and found Maura gazing at the sleeping detective. "You should go home, sweetie. Have a proper shower. Sleep a few hours maybe."

Maura shook her head. "I'd rather stay."

"But you have been here ever since the accident," Angela protested. There was worry in her voice. Maura looked pale and tired and had dark rings around her eyes. She guessed the medical examiner did not get a lot of sleep, curled up in an unforgiving arm chair and with the continuing noise from Jane's heart monitor and respirator. "All you've eaten is that junk from the canteen that isn't even worthy of the name food!"

Maura vaguely smiled. "Really, Angela, I am happy to stay."

Angela nodded. "I know, honey and Frankie and Tommy have been so grateful. It's hard on Frankie, especially. You know, having to go to work every day. Korsak said he's been offering to do patrol in the neighbourhood where that gangster lives. Thinks he can find him and bring him in himself."

"Montoya is a very dangerous man," Maura said. The evidence of exactly how dangerous he was lay in this very hospital bed. The whole of BPD wanted to skin Montoya alive for what he had done to Jane. She took a deep breath. "But Frankie is like Jane. Once he sets his mind to something, it cannot be changed. Did they get that stubbornness from you, Mrs Rizzoli?"

"How many times have I told you to call me Angela?" Angela reminded the doctor and Maura smiled. "And I am afraid that is one of the few traits Jane did inherit of me. Frankie too. Not sure about Tommy. I think he's more like his father."

"Has anyone told him?" Maura asked and almost immediately bit her lip. The divorce was still on going and she couldn't remember the last time she had heard Angela say anything positive about her soon to be ex-husband. She knew the divorce plagued Jane too, although the detective never really showed how much. But Maura knew.

"Frankie spoke to him the morning after it happened," Angela said and Maura detected the resentment in her voice. "Found his number somewhere. He doesn't live in Boston anymore and it will take him a few days to get back to Massachusetts. God knows where he's at. Never there when you need him, that's for sure."

Maura quickly changed the subject. "The surgeon said they might wake her up later today."

"Really?" Angela asked in surprise and Maura nodded.

Maura nodded. "He just wants her to have a few hours without that tube in her brain and then, if everything is stable, they'll withdraw the medication and allow her to wake up. Though it might take a while for her body to actually recognise it is no longer being medicated. It could be tomorrow before she opens her eyes."

There was another knock on the door and the two women looked up. Emily walked into the room and her eyes almost immediately fixed on Maura. She had felt guilty over leaving Emily at home but she couldn't think of a more important place to be than at Jane's side. The guilt she felt towards Emily was nothing like the guilt she had felt towards herself and towards Jane. The British woman had promised Maura she understood and she had come to visit once a day, despite only having met Jane twice. If she had picked up how Jane disliked her, she never once told Maura. And Maura was grateful for that.

"Hi darling," Emily said when she reached the armchair in which Maura sat. She brushed a strand of slightly unruly hair out of Maura's face. "I thought you'd want some breakfast. Tommy said there is a small café across the street that serves a full traditional English breakfast and has decent coffee. Not that sewage water that comes out of the machines here…"

"I am not hungry," Maura said.

"You should go," Angela encouraged her. "Listen, you have barely eaten for the last two days and I am surprised you can still stomach the mud that is called coffee around here. Go. Stretch your legs. Get some fresh air." She arched an eyebrow as she inspected Maura's unkempt hair. The medical examiner still looked good, even in her slightly less designer style clothes, but her hair was a mess. "Get a hairbrush…"

"I've got one in the car," Emily smiled and reached for Maura's hand. "The fresh air will do you some good, Maur. My treat."

Maura nodded apprehensively and pulled the blanket off herself and folded it up neatly. She then looked at Angela. Hazel brown eyes found dark chocolate ones. "Call me if the doctor comes back or when they think it's time to withdraw the medication, OK? I want to be here when they do it."

"I will." Angela reassured her. "You're going to be just across the street." She glanced at Jane. Some of the cuts on her forehead showed early signs of healing and the bruises around her eyes had started to change colour. According to Tommy she looked like a bad Picasso artwork. Angela sighed at her daughter's injured appearance. "And we're not going anywhere."

~()~

The sausages, egg and bacon lay on her plate, untouched. The only thing Maura had nibbled on was a single piece of toast and some of her hash browns. She had drunk her first cup of black coffee, without sugar, but had barely noticed that Emily had given her a refill. Her eyes were fixed on the large window that looked out over the street and the hospital across the road. It was a busy morning. The road was full of cars, as well as the odd ambulance, and people were walking in all directions.

"I've been thinking," Emily broke the silence and Maura was roused from her thoughts. She blinked a few times and the woman sitting across her at the table came into clear view. "I think I should go back to London."

"What? Why?" Maura asked in surprise.

"Well, because this isn't really a great time, is it?" Emily answered. There was a slight hint of rejection in her voice but Maura didn't really notice. "Your best friend almost died, Maura. Jane is lying in a hospital bed and you have slept in an armchair in her room for the last two days. This is not what we had in mind when we said we'd spent the holidays together."

Maura thought about her answer for a little while. "Maybe you're right."

Emily arched her eyebrow in curiosity and picked up her coffee. From over the rim of the mug her eyes searched Maura's face. "What made you ask me to come back to Boston with you? I mean, obviously you didn't tell Jane about us. Did you think you could just fit me into your life somehow without her noticing?"

"I…." Maura began and came to the startling conclusion that she didn't know the answer. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I think this has been the most normal relationship I've ever had," Maura said and when Emily frowned in confusion she almost helplessly looked around the small café. There was nobody who could help here. She swallowed. "When we were in London, in your home, we'd just be us. You would make tea and I would read the afternoon paper. You'd cook dinner. It just felt so normal."

"As compared to all your other relationships that were not normal?"

"You have to understand that social situations aren't my strongest suit. To have a relationship where it is all just so normal is something I've never really had before," Maura said and suddenly her voice trailed off. Images flooded back into her mind. Scenes from weeks ago, months ago or even years ago. Jane standing in her kitchen making grilled cheese. Jane watching the baseball at her house, stuffing her face with coco puffs or tortilla chips and cheese dip whilst Maura did whatever it was she usually did on her day off. Reading was her preferred way of relaxing and she would look up from her corner on the couch and see Jane sprawled out as if she owned the place. The realisation hit her like an asteroid. "Or at least I thought I didn't."

Emily nodded. "I noticed you had a laptop standing next to your chair."

Maura's face unexpectedly lit up. "I asked Frost to bring me one of the police issue ones yesterday. He put all my files on it so I can continue working while I'm in the hospital. He said he'd bring Dr Gibbons' files later today. Any autopsies are being diverted to Western Mass. It means I don't have to travel and can stay with Jane."

A sad smile crept over Emily's face. "So you can stay with Jane. Maura, have you heard yourself talk recently?"

"Of course. I hear myself talk all the time." Maura looked bewildered at that question. "Don't you?"

"I forgot how literal you are sometimes," Emily sighed. "Let me try this again. Have you ever thought about why you are now working from a room in the ICU? Why half your office gear is on its way to you so you don't fall behind? Or why arrangements were made so you don't have to leave?"

"No. I haven't."

"It shows," Emily sighed. "When we were in London, I kept hearing these marvellous stories about one Jane Rizzoli. Some fantastic detective who is fluent in sarcasm, has a wicked sense of humour, and enjoys cannoli and beer. The way you talked about her, and your friendship, made me think she had to be one hell of a woman. And you know what, she is. Because I see how you are with her family. With Angela and Tommy and Frankie and how they are with you. And you know why, Maura? Because they already know."

"Know what?" Maura had no idea what Emily was trying to tell her.

"Why did you ask me to come to Boston, Maura?"

"Because I like you."

Emily's eyes narrowed. "Do you? Or was it because you wanted to know, once and for all, if bringing me to Boston would change anything?"

Maura cocked her in confusion. "What?"

"Do you know why I think I should go back to London?" Emily said and pushed her plate and now empty coffee mug away from her. "Because of you, Maura. Because you had no idea what you got yourself into while you were away and you had no idea what you left behind. Why did you even take on the challenge in the first place? Because all you talked about was Jane, and how wonderful Boston was. It made me wonder why you left. And then I see you. With Jane. That is why I have to go back to London, Maura. Because there will never be a place for me here in Boston."

"Emily, I am sorry but I have no idea what you're trying to tell me. My brain cannot comprehend your riddle." Maura chose that word because she couldn't think of anything else to describe it. It was odd. She usually understood everything perfectly clear. She glanced at her watch. It had been nearly forty five minutes. "I need to get back to the hospital."

Emily's eyes pierced into Maura's. "You mean, you need to get back to Jane."

"Yes" Maura answered as she pushed her chair backwards. "To Jane."

Emily sadly smiled. "And you still don't understand a thing of what I just told you, do you?"

"No."

"I booked my flight this morning. It leaves in three hours. I have my cases packed in your car. I'll leave the keys at the front desk and get a taxi," Emily smiled and stood up too. She followed Maura to the door and held it open for her. They both stepped outside, back into the cold. Their warm breaths formed little clouds in the air. They looked at each other and from the grey sky more snowflakes began to fall. Emily stepped forward and briefly wrapped her arms around the medical examiner and kissed her cheek. ""Goodbye, Maura.."

"Goodbye, Emily."

Emily weakly smiled. Her cheeks were already red raw from the bitter cold wind. "Hey Maur, do me a favour, will you?"

Maura arched an eyebrow. "I'll see what I can do."

"Just be happy, allright?"

Maura stood on the sidewalk as she watched Emily cross the street towards the hospital car park. After a few seconds the brunette had disappeared in the morning traffic and she was gone. Maura sighed and pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her zip up jacket. She wasn't warm at all and she quickly began walking, increasing her pace with every few steps in an attempt to get her blood flowing and get warm. Once she reached the hospital's main entrance and stepped inside she was instantly comforted by the heating. As she stood by the magazine rack she glanced out of the window. The snowflakes were getting bigger and she suspected that soon the city would be covered under another blanket of snow. She wasn't quite sure what had just happened. Emily told her she was leaving. She was going back to London. She had expected to feel sad but strangely, she felt nothing at all.

She turned away from the window and made her way to the elevators. She pressed the illuminated number 2 for the ICU and watched as the metal doors slid shut. A few seconds later they reopened and Maura stepped onto the by now familiar ICU. She crossed the long hallway and eventually came to a stop outside Jane's door. She knocked and heard Angela call her in. When she closed the door behind her, the older woman looked as if she was expecting someone else to come in after her.

"Where's Emily?"

"Gone," Maura replied and sank back into the armchair that had been her bed for the last two days and would remain her bed until Jane could physically kick her out of the room. And since she had a broken knee, Maura doubted that it would happen anytime soon.

"Gone?" Angela parroted. "Gone where?"

"London," Maura replied blankly and her eyes fixed on Jane's face. "She's going back to London."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Maura looked up, slightly amused. The lack of sadness in her eyes seemed to reassure Angela she wasn't heartbroken over the break up. "It's OK. It's probably better anyway."

"Why?"

Maura glanced back at Jane. "I don't believe in long distance relationships."

"Yeah, me neither," Angela replied. "Oh the doctor just left. I was about to call you. He said they'll wake her up in the next half an hour. Frankie and Tommy are on their way."

"Wonderful," Maura replied and she suddenly found herself realising that she could not wait to finally see Jane's dark coffee coloured eyes again. She leant back in her chair and a tender smile spread across her face.

* * *

**If you're happy now, just leave me a review and tell me, allright?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Ok guys, this is crazy. I have over a 100 reviews for this story and only 5 chapters. NEVER has anything like that happened before. The response to this story is amazing and I am just speechless. Thank you so much. I am not sure when I'll have chapter 7 finished. Probably after the weekend. Christmas parties and work are taking up my time. I'll do my best to catch up! Here is something to make you smile and, I suppose, another little something to make my inbox explode.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

It had been three hours since they withdrew the medication and turned off the ventilator though they had kept the tube in Jane's throat in place, just in case. The nurses had brought in some more chairs and Angela, Maura, Tommy and Frankie sat around Jane's bed, waiting for something they weren't sure would happen. The doctor had warned them that when Jane woke up she could be disorientated, agitated and confused. Maura knew all those things. She also knew that Jane would perhaps not recognise them or remember what had happened to her. Maura had been mentally preparing herself for all of the possible effects and nervously picked at her fingernails. Her eyes never moved from Jane's face. Unexpectedly her heart jumped up in her chest when she detected a slight movement behind Jane's eyelids, as if she was trying to blink.

Angela had nodded off and Tommy and Frankie were whispering softly but their conversation silenced when Maura moved closer to the bed and took Jane's hand. The touch provoked another movement and a nerve twitched in the corner of the detective's eye. Tommy reached to touch his mother's arm and Angela sat up with a jolt. Upon realising what was happening she leapt to her feet and took Jane's other hand. More rapid movements followed and then slowly, as if it was costing her all the energy in the world, Jane's eyes opened just a tiny bit. For the first time in almost three days Maura could finally see her best friend's dark eyes again and a quiet sob escaped her.

"Jane," Angela whispered and Jane attempted to look in the direction of her mother's voice. She could only move her head a little and as her eyes opened wider, Maura could see the fear building up in them. Jane blinked a few times, her eyes now full of panic. Suddenly she moved involuntarily, as if she wanted to sit up. Maura gently reached out and placed her hand against her best friend's shoulder. Jane's eyes snapped in her direction.

"Sssh," Maura comforted her. She squeezed the other woman's hand and felt the tears well up in her eyes. A relieved smile played around her lips. "Don't be afraid, Jane. There is a tube in your throat that helped you breathe. The doctor will come and remove it. Don't try to talk, allright?"

Tommy had pushed the alarm bell next to Jane's bed and the door opened only a few seconds. The doctor that had been treating Jane appeared, nurse in tow. He smiled when he realised the dark haired detective was awake and walked around the bed. She nervously followed him with her eyes, not understanding what all these people were doing here. The tube in her throat hurt, she was in pain and all she wanted was to scream and tell them all to get the hell out.

"Good to see you're awake, Jane," doctor O'Malley said. She didn't really acknowledge him. He leant over the bed and slowly began the procedure to remove the tube from Jane's throat. The nurse assisted him as the Rizzoli's and Maura watched. O'Malley's eyes met Jane's. "Ok, I need you stay still for me, allright? This is going to be a little uncomfortable but you'll be glad to get rid of it."

Maura looked down when she felt Jane unexpectedly squeeze her hand and returned the squeeze. She wanted her best friend to know she was here. Jane's eyes turned in her direction and away from the doctor about to remove the tube. Looking down into Jane's dark eyes made Maura smile. She took a tighter grip of Jane's hand when the pain spread across the other woman's face. The tube was removed quickly but the procedure wasn't entirely painless.

"Well done, Jane," O'Malley complimented his patients. "Now take a deep breath for me. Don't worry, this might feel a little strange."

Jane's mouth opened a little and she sucked in some air. A horrible gurgling noise returned when she exhaled and the pain across her face intensified. Another, slightly deeper, breath followed the first one. A few more ragged one followed and slowly the pain seemed to subside. O'Malley watched as Jane's chest rose and fell and continued to watch the oxygen level in her blood as it appeared on the screen. Her heart rate had gone up slightly, due to the fear and pain she was experiencing. But the oxygen levels remained stable and he smiled in satisfaction.

"Welcome back, detective Rizzoli."

He then turned to Angela. Tears of happiness were streaming down the older woman's face and O'Malley patted her arm. "Remember what I said. She will most likely be disorientated. Chances are she doesn't remember what happens. If she asks any questions, give her answers but only as much as you think she can handle. She'll most likely fall back asleep soon. Let her sleep it off. She'll feel better for it when she wakes up the next time."

Angela nodded and then looked at her daughter. "Hey, Janie."

"Ma," Jane's voice was scratchy.

"We're all here, Janie," said Frankie. "We're all here and we're just glad you decided to stay here too."

When Maura looked up she could see tears in the police officer's eyes. Tommy stood right beside him. His eyes glistened with tears too. As she looked from the two Rizzoli brothers back to Angela she was reminded of the moment Jane had woken up after the shooting. Tommy had not been there, of course. She knew he had been on his mother's mind. And on his brother's too, even if Frankie would never have admitted it at the time. He had been in a wheelchair when Jane woke up. Seeing the relief on their faces now that Jane's eyes wandered around the room was just like it had been over a year ago. Minus the endless arguing and bickering between Angela and Frank Rizzoli.

"It's allright, Janie," Angela said and ran her hand through Jane's hair and leant in to kiss her forehead. "It's allright, baby. Don't talk. Go back to sleep, you need to rest, baby."

Jane's eyes moved to the other side of the bed. Her voice was still rough and raspy. The intubation had not been kind to her vocal chords. It would be a little while before she'd speak properly again. "Maura?"

"I'm here, Jane," Maura reassured her, her hand still holding Jane's. "I'm still here."

She watched as tired brown eyes slowly fell shut again and Jane drifted off into a slumber. Letting the detective's hand slip out of her own, Maura sank deeper back into the armchair and covered her face with her hands. The tears came unexpectedly and chased down her cheeks. She heard someone walk up to her but couldn't bear lifting up her face from her protective hands and show them the tears she had held in for all this time. Now it was as if a dam had been broken and all the emotions just poured out of her.

Two arms wrapped around her and Angela pulled Maura safely into her arms. She kissed the medical examiner on her hair and then forced her to raise her now tear stained face from her hands. Maura looked up, embarrassed that she had broken down in such a way. She resented herself not having been able to control her emotions better. She took a deep breath, followed by another. "I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise," Angela said and knowingly looked at the younger woman. "I cried for a whole day, remember?"

"She's your daughter. You're supposed to cry."

"And she's your best friend. You're supposed to cry too," Angela said softly.

Maura nodded. "She'll be allright."

Frankie cracked a smile. "It's Jane. She won't settle for anything less."

~()~

It was dark when Jane opened her eyes. The sharp, monotone beeping of her heart monitor had roused her from an endless pool of shadows and darkness and she blinked a few times. The letters and numbers on the screens next to her bed cast strange coloured glows around the room. She tried to move her legs. Only one responded. The other felt heavy. When she tried again she felt a sharp shot of pain and a loud groan escaped from her throat.

"Jane? Jane, are you allright? Are you awake?"

The woman's voice came from her left and she looked around, as much as her head allowed her. She felt disorientated and confused. A face emerged from the darkness, illuminated by the red and green lights from her heart monitor. Worried hazel eyes met hers. Jane cocked her head. "Maura?"

"Yes, it's me," Maura smiled. She hesitated before reaching for the detective's hand. Jane looked at their linked hands, a frown across her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck," Jane grumbled.

Maura gave Jane one of her quirky smiles. "It was a car, actually."

Jane didn't answer. Her dark eyes wandered around the room. It was mostly dark. Someone had closed the curtains. Through the round window in the door some of the hallway light fell into the room. She couldn't quite make out any of the other shapes of the objects in the room with her. Her head was pounding and she felt sick. She had no idea where she was. She tried to remember but she kept ending up in that same endless pool of darkness. There were no memories. There was nothing. She looked back at Maura.

Her voice was rough and deeper than normal. Her vocal chords strained as she tried to speak. "What happened?"

"You had an accident," Maura answered, remembering what the doctor had said about giving little amounts of information at a time. "Do you know where you are?"

"A bed?" Jane tried and Maura quietly chuckled at the attempt of humour.

"Yes. You're in a bed. A hospital bed, to be precise. You have been here a little while, Jane."

"Can I have some water?"

"Of course," Maura said and stood up to pick up the cup on Jane's bedside table. It had a straw in it and she brought the cup and straw to Jane's mouth. Instinctively Jane reached for the cup to hold it herself but then her eyes discovered the IV. She looked at for a few seconds, puzzled, and once again attempted to take the cup from Maura. Frustrated that the other woman wasn't giving it to her, angry brown eyes snapped in Maura's direction.

"I can do it!"

Maura shook her head. Jane had missed the cup by at least two inches both times though it seemed the detective was convinced she had touched it. She suspected Jane's coordination was disrupted. She took a deep and steady breath and brought the straw to Jane's lips once again without speaking. Jane no longer attempted to take the cup and instead her lips closed around the straw and she weakly began sucking up some of the water. Maua could see the satisfaction spread across her face when the water made its way down.

"Enough?" Maura asked after about fifteen seconds and Jane nodded. She put the cup back down.

"You sleep here?" Jane asked, suddenly becoming aware of the chair with pillows and blankets next to her bed.

Maura sheepishly grinned. "Yeah. I decided to move into your room. Much cosier."

Jane tried to smile. "Did you pick up a sense of humour while I was out?"

Maura shrugged. "I'm just glad to see you didn't lose yours."

"What time is it?"

"3.54 AM," Maura said. She didn't mention the fact she'd woken up at least every hour to check whether Jane was allright. But now that she was awake, Maura wasn't sure what the correct procedure was. Jane seemed relatively alert though a little bit uncoordinated. "Jane, what is the last thing you remember?"

A deep frown appeared on the detective's forehead. "I-I'm not sure."

"That's fine," Maura answered. "Maybe you should go back to sleep."

Jane looked at Maura. For the second time since waking up from her medically induced coma, Maura saw fear in the other woman's eyes. Whatever it was, it frightened her. "I don't like the dreams."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah."

Maura curiously searched Jane's face. Since the doctor had weaned her off the medication she had regained some of her colour though she was nothing like herself yet. She tried to understand what Jane was telling her. "Like nightmares?"

Jane averted her eyes. "Yeah. Like nightmares. But ten times worse."

"OK," Maura said and brushed a strand of hair away from Jane's face. Her fingertips briefly caressed the detective's cheek. "I'm here. Why don't you go back to sleep and if you need anything, just call me, OK? I'm not going anywhere."

By the time she had finished her sentence Jane had drifted off in yet another sleep and Maura watched her. She wasn't sure what to think. Jane had been able to form proper sentences, which showed that her brain was working well. But she was a little unfocused and uncoordinated. Maura's eyes wandered across Jane's slender frame. She seemed to sleep peacefully but now that Maura knew about the nightmares she suspected the sleep was anything but peaceful.

She eventually sat back in her chair and covered herself back up in the blankets. It seemed like she no longer could get uncomfortable and she was worried her tossing and turning would wake Jane so after about twenty minutes she gave up. She leant over the armrest and picked up her laptop. She had been working on some reports earlier in the evening and she might as well finish them. As she waited for the log in screen to appear she sent the same text message to five different people. _Jane woke up. Spoke. Seems quite settled. Maura. _

Maura put down her phone and typed in her password. The screen changed and it automatically brought her to her email account. She had several unread messages but the one that jumped out was the one that had nothing to do with work at all. Sender: Emily Browne. No subject. She hesitated between deleting it without reading it or opening it and in the end she clicked on it. It opened up in a smaller screen. The message was just a few lines long.

_Maura,__  
I have no idea when you're going to read this but I just wanted you to know that __I really hope things work out, a__nd I mean __all __the things. My flight __is __about to leave and the flight attendant __keeps looking at me so I suppose I'd better put my phone away. I meant what I said. Be happy. You deserve it. Send all my best to Jane and please, if you can, say thank you to Angela too. Goodbye, Maura.__  
All my love,__  
Emily._

Maura sighed and hit the delete button. Emily_'s _email disappeared into the trashcan. She opened up another window and located the document she had been working on earlier in the evening. She looked up from behind her laptop and glanced at Jane, who was still soundly asleep. A sad smile crept over her face and her eyes eventually fixed on her computer screen.

~()~

"How is she?" was the first thing Angela asked when she walked into Jane's room at 8.15 the next morning. Maura had not long put her laptop down, having finished her last reports, and was watching the early morning news on CNN on the small television next to Jane's bed. She had turned the volume down as not to wake the sleeping woman and lay in the arm chair, curled up, and wrapped up in her blankets.

"Asleep," Maura answered. "But when she woke up in the night she seemed quite alert."

"Did she say anything?" Angela asked. She had walked around the bed and began rearranging some of the flowers one of the nurses had brought in late last night. Jane's room was rapidly filling up. According to the nightshift nurse she had taken up most of the vases and there was no end in sight when it came to the flower deliveries. Several boxes of unopened chocolates, as well as two opened and empty ones, stood on the table in the corner of the room. Bright coloured balloons with golden letters spelling "Get Well Soon" topped the decoration. There were cards everywhere. It was one of the things Maura admired about the police force. Whenever one of their own got hurt, everyone sent flowers and cards, whether they knew the officer or not.

"She asked what happened. I told her she'd been in an accident. But when I asked her what the last thing she remembered was, she didn't know," Maura said and Angela frowned. "But she recognised me, which is good. And she drank a little." She left out the part where Jane had tried to take the cup but missed. There was no need to worry the older woman.

"Ma?" Jane's voice was not as rough as it had been in the night and dark brown eyes fluttered open. Upon realising that there was now daylight in her room, Jane's eyes widened and she looked around. "Where am I?"

Angela looked at Maura. The medical examiner leant in.

"You're in the hospital, Jane," Maura replied. "You've been in an accident."

"Oh yeah," Jane said, as if she suddenly remembered having the same conversation with Maura in the middle of the night. "Ma, where's dad?"

Maura saw the pain spread across Angela's face. Jane looked at her mother expectantly and Maura quickly stepped in. "He's on his way, Jane. He's just gone to get some breakfast." She had no idea she was even capable of lying but right at this moment in time she wasn't sure what was going on inside Jane's head. She rubbed the back of Jane's hand and when Jane looked at her, Maura smiled.

Jane looked from Maura to her mother and back. "So when can I leave?"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **A massive thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far and all you who have favourited this story. So here is another one. And since we're heading up to Christmas, Jane and Maura are heading up to Christmas too. I have a fair amount of time off work (only 3 shifts left this year) but with Christmas being so close, I am not sure how frequent the updates are going to be around the Yule tide. There will be one or two before Christmas, for sure. Enjoy. Consider it an early present.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Jane stayed awake for most of the day and Maura and Angela talked to her. They fed her little pieces of information and as Jane took in more, they gave more. As the hours began to pass, she became more and more coherent and she stopped asking what had happened and where she was. The information that she had been in an accident and had to have surgery finally seemed to stick in her brain. The more they talked, the more Maura realised that Jane did not actually remember the accident or the moments leading up to it. The medical examiner carefully began asking more detailed questions to find out exactly how much Jane did remember.

When Angela had gone to get some coffee, finally giving the two women a moment alone since Jane had woken up that morning, Maura took a deep breath. "Jane?"

The dark haired detective looked at her. "Yes?"

"Can you tell me what the last thing is you remember before waking up here?" She masked her desperation for needing to know the truth behind a mask of professionalism. It was what Maura did. Jane had even accused her of it in the past. She hid behind science; she hid behind the safety of her knowledge. Even now, the way she phrased the question, made it sound like she wanted the medical side of Jane. What she really wanted was the Jane she knew.

A frown appeared on Jane's face as the scattered images of the hours before the accident began to flood back into her mind. She remembered going to Maura's. She remembered talking to her mother and to Frankie. They had argued. A sense of guilt crept up on Jane as she slowly began to remember her own actions right before the accident and dark eyes searched for Maura's hazel green. "Oh Maura, I'm sorry."

Maura's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Whatever for, Jane?"

"My behaviour right before…." Jane's voice trailed off. She was going to say accident but she didn't need to. Maura knew. "I was an ass."

"Your behaviour was rather unpleasant, yes," Maura confessed but almost immediately regretted those words when she saw the pain spread across Jane's face. She quickly leant in and took the detective's hand into her own. "So you remember what happened at my house. Do you remember leaving?"

Jane faintly nodded. She remembered getting the call. She even remembered getting in her car and having to take a few moments to come to terms with _Emily_. Her eyes snapped dup when realisation dawned on her. "Emily," she said and looked at Maura. The medical examiner had been at her side for the whole time she had been in hospital and still refused to leave. "I haven't seen her yet. Where is she?"

"She, errr, she went back to London," Maura answered without making eye contact.

Jane was surprised. The few memories she had of the British woman were painful but she remembered her and Maura looking relatively happy. There had been nothing so suggest that Emily did not enjoy Boston. Then again, Jane had practically lost three days. Anything could happen in that amount of time. Dark eyes searched Maura's face. "What? She went back to London? Why?"

"Another time, Jane. We need to focus on getting you well enough to get you out of here. I wasn't planning on having Christmas dinner in the hospital canteen." With those words Maura ended the conversation about Emily. Her gaze was fixed on something in her lap. "The physiotherapist is coming to see you later, remember?"

Jane nodded. Doctor O'Malley had come in during his morning rounds and after being satisfied that she seemed mentally stable enough to begin her therapy, he had asked for the physio to see her later that day. As the day progressed, Jane did too. It seemed that the initial blur and daze of her coma had begun to wear off and though some of the things of she said or asked seemed a little out there, she was far more coherent than she had been in the beginning. She had quickly realised that her father wasn't getting breakfast and eventually the memory of her parents' divorce had returned. Jane had not asked whether anyone had told him.

Tommy had stuck his head around the door around eleven that morning and from the surprise in Jane's eyes, Maura could tell that she wasn't quite sure what he was doing here. Though now, a few hours later, she clearly remembered everything. Tommy had brought her yet more flowers and had promised that Frankie would come in the evening, as he was working. He'd bring Korsak and Frost.

The door opened again and Jane and Maura were roused from their respective thoughts and Maura turned around, half and half expecting to find Angela. But it wasn't the Rizzoli matriarch who walked through the now open door. There, with a box of chocolates and flowers in his hand, stood Frank Rizzoli. His eyes were fixed on his daughter in the bed.

"Hello, Jane."

"Daddy."

Maura looked from Jane to her father and quickly tried to establish whether Jane was happy to see him. She had not seen or heard from him for almost a year and though she had barely spoken about it, Maura knew she was hurt. She quickly stood up and flashed a friendly smile. She took the flowers from Frank's hands. "Let me take these."

"Frankie told me what happened," Frank said slowly. It was clear he felt unsure about the situation. "I tried getting here as fast as I could." He paused, as if he realised that it was going to take a lot more than an excuse to convince his daughter he had really come here for her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic." Jane sarcastically replied and Maura couldn't suppress a smirk at the tone of her voice. It was the Jane she knew so well. "All I ever wanted was to lie in a hospital bed with a concussion and a knee cap that's in three pieces."

"Janie," Frank began but whatever it was he intended to say never left his lips. The door opened again and Maura felt her chest tighten when Angela walked back in to the room, carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, a bottle of orange juice and some sandwiches.

"The nurse said it's best to have some juice, Jane, and AARGH!" Angela discovered her soon to be ex-husband standing at his daughter's beside and thanks to Maua's swift reaction the tray didn't end up on the floor. Angela stared at Frank in sheer horror. "What are you doing here?"

"Frankie called and told me what happened. I've been trying to get back to Boston ever since. She's my daughter too, Ang."

"Really? Because for the past year she's just been my daughter!" Angela snapped.

"Ma," Jane muttered from the bed. "Dad, please…"

Maura was cruelly reminded of the scenes in the hospital the previous year. Angela and Frank had bickered and argued in the hallways, the canteen and Jane's room. Often they forgot they were not alone and Frankie and Maura had been unwilling witnesses to their growing dislike for each other. Even Frost and Korsak had been unable to avoid the feuds. But this time she was determined not to let it happen in front of Jane and Maura took a step forwards.

"Maybe we should talk outside," she said, her eyes fixed on Jane. Her face betrayed her pain. "Jane needs to rest."

"Thank you, Maura," Jane said and Maura smiled at her. Her eyes then fixed on her parents and it was Angela who met her daughter's eyes. "Ma, Pops."

"I know, sweetheart," Angela said and glanced at Frank. "We've been here before."

She went ahead and stepped out of Jane's room. Frank followed and Maura briefly hesitated. She wasn't sure whether to follow them and make sure neither would lose their temper outside but when she heard Jane's tired voice call her name, she turned back to the her bed and changed her mind. She sank back in the armchair that had been her home for the past few days.

"I wish they could be in the same room and not argue," Jane sighed. "You know, Ma doesn't know that Frankie told me everything about their fighting. Ma didn't think I could handle it. And I think she didn't want me to know."

"She just loves you," Maura smiled. "They both do."

"You think I'll be out of here before Christmas?" Jane asked, changing the subject.

Maura cocked her head. "If you work hard, I see no reason why you wouldn't."

Jane's eyes drifted to the window and glanced outside. It was snowing yet again. Since waking up this morning it had not stopped. She wondered what it was like out there. Cold, probably. And wet too. She had had very little time to think since opening her eyes. The images in her head were vivid and sometime she still struggled to figure out what had been part of her intense dreams and which were actually real. She enjoyed having Maura in the room with her. Knowing she had been here throughout it at all, even when things were at their worst, made her feel safe.

"At least they're not shouting at each other," Maura said. It was true. They couldn't hear any voices outside in the hall.

Jane didn't answer. She loved her parents, both of them. But she held a grudge towards Frank. He had left her mother with nothing. He had walked out on her and just left her, without even thinking about where she was going to go. She would be forever grateful for Maura taking her in, even if it meant seeing a lot more of her neurotic mother than she had ever planned. But, on the other hand, it also meant she had seen even more of Maura. That thought brought a smile to her face.

"What?" Maura had noticed the way Jane's lips curled up.

Jane turned to look at her. "I just remembered something, that's all."

"Must be a nice memory."

"Yeah. It is."

They looked at each other, smiles lingering on their faces. Outside the snowflakes grew bigger. Jane didn't have to say which memory it was that brought the smile to her face. As dark coffee coloured eyes locked with hazel green both women remembered their own fondest memories of each other. There was no need for words in a moment where silence could speak so much more.

~()~

The next few days proved strenuous for various reasons. Angela and Frank had to find an amicable way of being in Jane's room without arguing and it changed the atmosphere. Jane and Maura felt like they were permanently surrounded by loaded weapons, about to fire an array of bullets. But both her parents tried hard and Jane appreciated them all the more for it. She did not question her father about his choices. There would be another time, another place. A room in the ICU was not it. Though she was told the room would not be hers for much longer. She'd be transferred to a ward soon and the nurse promised that if she continued to work hard, she could be home before Christmas.

That was all the encouragement Jane needed. She had no intentions of spending Christmas in a hospital bed. She made good progress with her therapy, as painful as it was at times. She had to regain some of her fine motor skills, like holding a pencil and write. It was hard for her but she did it anyway, even if it hurt. The same went for her concentration and memory. Jane masked her pain behind determination. Even if she got an exercise wrong, she would demand they did it again until she got it right. It pained Maura to see Jane weakened in such a way but the detective was adamant she wanted Maura to see her make progress, so Maura was present during every therapy session. She even took part in some, which resulted in her and Jane throwing fabric balls at each other in laughter instead of Jane actually catching them – which had been the original object of the training.

And so another week in hospital went by. Jane had been moved from the ICU to a normal ward, her IV was removed and she had been given a wheelchair as well as a pair of crutches. The liberty to move around freely was something she enjoyed a lot and as soon she was given the chair she begged Maura to take her outside. She wanted to feel the fresh air. After having wrapped her up in a robe and some blankets, Maura had pushed the chair down to the elevator.

Jane had looked up at the medical examiner, smirking, and asked whether Maura enjoyed pushing her about. Maura had replied she did. They had laughed at that joke for the rest of the day. Neither of them spoke of the events before the accident. Some things were better left unsaid, or better left not talked about. They knew they would have to, some day. But it could wait.

Maura finally accepted Jane's pleas to go home and prepare for the holidays. Maura had reluctantly left and Jane now had more time for herself. Lying on her bed, rather than it, dressed in one of her favourite baseball jerseys and a pair of baggy grey shorts, Jane watched some dodgy Christmas movie on her small television when there was a soft knock on the door. She looked up. Visiting hour had finished half an hour ago. Korsak, Frost and Frankie had been to see her.

"Jane?" It was her father's voice.

"Come in," she said and turned off the television and beat some of the pillows into shape. She propped herself up more comfortably and shifted her plastered leg as she did so. It was riddled with signatures and names and some rude picture Tommy had drawn. It was the one good thing about her cast. People could write and draw on it. When Frank walked in, Jane smiled. "Hey, daddy."

"How you feeling today?" Frank asked as he kissed his daughter's cheek. She could feel the winter cold on his skin.

"Better every day, dad," Jane smiled. She felt more like herself since she was moved to the normal ward. The other patients made interesting study subjects and, though she had a room to herself, in the day time she would actually spend time in the communal area at the end of the hallway observing them. "Doctors will tell me tomorrow if I can go home for Christmas." She paused. "Are you staying for the holidays?"

Frank shook his head. "I wouldn't do it to your mother."

Jane sighed. Angela had coped relatively well with Frank being around. Like Jane, she too hid a lot behind a mask. Maura had said that at home, Angela seemed quiet and withdrawn. Jane was worried about her. "You're leaving?"

"First thing in the morning."

"Where are you going?" Jane asked. This was the first time they had been alone. Now they could talk. "Where have you been?"

"You're a cop, Jane. You expect me to believe you didn't type my name into your computer?" Frank arched an eyebrow.

Jane sighed. Her father was right. She had known for all this time. She had just chosen not to tell her mother. It was a mutual agreement between her, Frankie, Tommy and Maura. "New Jersey". Her father quietly nodded. "What happened, dad? Between you and Ma, I mean?"

Frank shrugged and a distant look appeared in his eyes. "Life happened, Jane. Sometimes you just cannot stop things from happening. One day I woke up and looked back. I have plenty of things to be proud of you. You and Frankie and Tommy. But I also felt like there were things I'd never done. I was sixteen when I met your mother. She was fourteen. Neither of us ever really lived."

"Ma seemed quite happy with the life you had," Jane suggested.

Frank sighed. "It takes two people to be happy in a relationship, Janie, and I guess that, even though she is still bitter, your mother will also have realised that. Angela is a clever woman, although she doesn't like to think so of herself. She'll find someone, if she wants to. And she still got you."

"You both still got me," Jane smiled. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I have a cab waiting outside," Frank said. He leant in and brushed a strand of hair out of his daughter's eyes. As he looked at her he was struck by how much she looked like Angela. He wouldn't tell her that, of course. But the more he looked at her, the more he saw Angela. A sense of loss overwhelmed him. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. Again."

"I know, daddy," Jane sighed and wrapped her arms around him. For a moment she was taken back to being a little girl and she has broken her wrist for the first time. She had been eleven and it had been a few days before Christmas. Her mother had been frantic but Frank had been calm. He had hugged her just like he hugged her now. She rested her head on his shoulder as familiarity struck. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Janie."

They parted and she watched quietly as he made his way to the door. There he turned around and his dark eyes found those of his daughter. She had inherited his eyes. He looked at her. She looked well, considering what she had been through. The bruises and swelling on her face were gone and the cuts and grazes had healed. He smiled. "Do me a favour, will you, Jane?"

"What is it, Jane?"

"Just tell Maura Isles how you feel, OK?"

Jane's eyebrow shot up. "Excuse me?"

Frank Rizzoli smiled. "For the past few days I have seen you two together. You love her. That much is clear. She nearly lost you twice. Make this Christmas last, Jane. Make it the first one that marks a change."

"But Maura," Jane began and she was going to bring up Emily. And Ian. And all the other men that had been before. All the ones she had watched come and go, silently aching inside. She did not even bother asking how her father knew. Frankie knew. Even her mother knew. Her secret was clearly not as well kept as she thought it was. She sighed. "Maura doesn't…."

Frank cut his daughter off. "I may have divorced your mother, Jane, but I still know love when I see it."

He gave her one last knowing look before closing the door to her room behind him. Jane was now alone and she sank back into the pillows on her bed and ran her fingers through her hair. Apart from being trapped between the hospital walls, she also felt trapped inside herself. She had not dared question Maura's reasons for being with her throughout all of this. She was her friend. But now, thinking about it, Jane wondered if perhaps… just maybe… she had always been wrong about this.

"Gees," she sighed to herself and glanced out of the window. "Why are things in my life never easy?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Well?"

Jane stared up at Dr O'Malley in expectation. She was fully dressed, the first time since her accident, and ready to go. Her bag stood by the side of the bed, rammed full with whatever little clothes she had had with her in the hospital, endless amounts of chocolates and cards that Maura promised she would put in a scrapbook for her. Jane had given her flowers, the ones that had not yet withered anyway, to the nurses. She was adamant she was leaving today. All it took was for the doctor to tell her she could.

Maura looked from Jane to O'Malley and back. She thought he'd have to be a very brave man to refuse Jane her return home. The detective's eyes had darkened in that special way; the way that told Maura that Jane really wanted something and she wasn't going to let anything or anyone stop her from getting it. She continued to watch the silent battle of willpower between the two people who had struck up a friendship since Jane woke up. She had begun to understand that Dr O'Malley possessed the same ability to wind people up like Jane did, and he relished in it too. Just like the detective.

"You know, people kinda got used to having you around. Maybe you should stay for a few more days, just to make sure everything's allright," O'Malley said, keeping a straight face. "You can never be too certain. You could help bring the Christmas spirit."

"Hell no!" Jane objected and glanced at Maura. For a moment anger flickered behind her eyes. It was replaced by sheer rebellion. "You had better sign those papers and sent me out of here unless you want Korsak and Frost investigating your murder. I am not staying here a minute longer!"

O'Malley grinned. "Don't worry, detective. You have your own personal doctor right here…" He glanced at Maura and she grinned in understanding. Jane's knee was still in plaster and she would either have to use a wheelchair or her crutches. O'Malley looked back at Jane. "No more racing wheelchairs down the hall with that guy next door for you. Get your ass out of here, Rizzoli!"

"YES!" Jane punched the air and her eyes darted to Maura. A smile spread across her face when Maura's twinkling hazel green eyes met hers. "Get me my ride, Maur!"

"Of course," Maura smiled and stood up to retrieve the wheelchair parked at the end of Jane's bed. "But you have to hold your own crutches."

She parked the chair next to Jane's bed and held her by her elbow as the detective balanced on her uninjured leg, just like the physiotherapist had told her, and shifted her body off the bed and with Maura's support she sank down into the chair. She looked up and Maura looked down at her. They shared a quiet look and a tentative smile. For Jane to allow Maura to see her so vulnerable… both women understood what this meant.

"Please make sure I don't see her back in here," O'Malley said to Maura as she walked around the chair and her hands closed around the handles.

"I'll make sure she won't," Maura reassured him and took the crutches that were leaning against the bed. She gave them to Jane, who put them in her lap. She pushed the chair towards the door and Jane grinned in satisfaction as freedom called. Maura smiled too. Not because of freedom but because she got Jane back. "Come on, I want to finish off decorating the Christmas tree before your mother gets her hands on it."

"Wait, what?" Jane looked over her shoulder. "We're going back to your house?"

"Where else did you think I was taking you?" Maura replied, a curious look in her eyes.

"Well, my apartment?"

"Jane, you live on the first floor and the elevator hasn't worked for the last nine months. So unless you plan on dragging yourself and this wheelchair up and down two flights of stairs every day, you're staying with me," Maura planted her hands on her hips to add extra strength to her words.

"Allright, allright, Dr Dictator," Jane groaned. "And where's Ma staying if I move in with you?"

"She's staying too."

"Really? Maura, c'mon!" Jane threw her hands up in the air. "She is going to fuss over me, she'll be asking me fifty times a day if I need anything. It will be like the time I was seven and fell off the swing at school!"

"Well, you're going to deal with it. You're stuck in a wheelchair or walking on crutches. Even Bass would beat you to the door if you tried to run," Maura smirked in triumph and Jane groaned in defeat. Maura began pushing the chair again and rolled her friend out of the room and down the hall. They greeted the nurses on the way out and Jane caught the guy she'd been racing wheelchairs with for the past three days by the elevator. He'd just been outside for a smoke.

"They let you out, eh?" Dan asked. He was a former soldier who had to undergo surgery on his leg after a piece of shrapnel got infected and gave him sepsis. "In time for the holidays?"

Jane nodded. "Yep. Now I get to enjoy the company of my mother for Christmas. When are you out?"

"Hopefully today. Take care, Rizzoli."

"And you, McKinley," Jane answered and they gave each other a high five before the elevator doors opened. Maura wheeled her into the small space and the doors closed. They were alone and Jane looked up. Maura looked back at her.

"I am glad to finally get out of this place," Jane sighed. Her dark eyes found Maura's.

"I am glad you're going home."

The doors swung open, breaking them apart. Maura wheeled Jane out of the elevator backwards and through the hospital's main reception area and outside. It was cold and chilly Jane huddled deeper into her coat. The hospital staff had cleared the paths of any snow and ice and it was a short and relatively easy stroll to Maura's car. Maura opened the passenger door after having pulled the chair up beside the car. Jane lifted herself into the car sideways and then moved her healthy leg in, followed by the one in plaster. She groaned. It took a bit of effort and wasn't entirely painless. Maura wheeled the chair back, took the wheels off and folded it up before putting it in the trunk. Then she walked around the car, got into the driver's seat and started the engine. They were finally off home.

~()~

Angela had been waiting for them and the minute she had heard Maura's car pull up on the drive she had rushed outside to meet them. She had watched anxiously as Jane lifted herself from the car but refused the chair and asked for the crutches instead. She insisted she wanted to 'walk' into the house and Maura quietly accepted. She stayed right behind Jane as the detective made her way up the path and into the house. The smell of fresh cooked food greeted them and Jane did a double take when she walked in.

The house was covered in Christmas decorations and the main lights had been dimmed. Candles were scattered around the living room and ding area, casting a warm and tender gloom around the house. The fireplace was decorated in tinsel and wreathes and the flames danced as they ate away at the large logs of wood. A large tree stood in the corner by the window, waiting to be decorated. A large box of what Jane assumed were the decorations stood right next to it. It looked like they were just in time to stop Angela from taking over the one job Maura wanted to do herself.

"Wow Ma, you've been holding out on me!" Jane said and looked at her mother. "This place looks like it came right out of a Martha Stewart Christmas magazine!"

"That just leaves the tree," Angela said and began walking towards it.

"I'll do that!" Maura said and quickly overtook Angela and took a stand in front of the tree as if to protect it.

"And I'll just sit here. On the floor," Jane said. She shifted her balance on the crutches and her words made her mother look up. Angela rushed over to her and took her arm and then she helped her to the couch. Jane smiled when she saw Maura's hand disappear into the box of Christmas decorations and pulled out a first string lights.

Jane watched with a smile lingering on her lips as the brunette medical examiner walked around the tree, carefully placing the lights exactly where she wanted them. Maura applied the same precision to her Christmas decorations as she did to her autopsies. It was an endearing sight and somehow Jane could not tear her eyes away from her. The comforting warmth of the house made her feel gloomy and tired. The painkillers she took on a regular basis were not helping. Angela had made them some coffee and sat down beside Jane on the sofa and her daughter thankfully took the steaming mug.

"She's quite something, isn't she?" Angela said. She glanced at Jane.

"Yeah," Jane answered. "She is."

"Why don't you tell her that?" Angela's words had been a whisper, only loud enough for Jane to hear.

Jane arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"How you feel."

"Ma, have you been talking to Frankie?" Jane whispered in shock.

"Jane," Angela said. There was urgency to her voice. On the other side of the room Maura was still putting tree lights in place, seemingly oblivious to the conversation between the two women. "Have you thought about what happened during the last few days? You nearly died. Again. And Maura sat at your beside, not knowing if you'd ever wake up again. She slept in a chair for days because she did not want to leave your side."

"She brought Emily to Boston without telling me, Ma!" Jane hissed. The anger and pain flashed behind her eyes. She glanced at Maura. She was now positively fighting with the string of lights. It seemed that not even Maura Isles could untangle Christmas lights without losing her temper. "She thought she could just walk in and…"

"Finally try and live her life and not wait for something she wasn't sure would ever come?" Angela finished her daughter's sentence. "Jane, I have seen the way she looks at you. I have watched her for months. I have seen you, the way you pretend not to be hurt whenever another man enters the picture. How hard could it be just to talk to her?"

"Gees, because it is so easy to walk up to your best friend and tell her you're in love with her. You know, my life is not just another crappy episode of Days Of Our Lives, OK?" Jane groaned and leant back into the comfortable cushions on Maura's couch. "Now go and do something other than irritate me."

Angela stood up and headed back into the kitchen. Whatever it was she was cooking in there smelled delicious and Jane's stomach rumbled. The hospital food had been horrible and Maura had refused to bring her a burger from the Robber. The dark haired detective's eyes remained fixed on Maura, who had finally managed to put the last of the lights in and now reached for a box that contained baubles and tinsels. She seemed in her element and Jane's eyes trailed over her friend's body like they had done so many times before.

She couldn't remember the moment she had realised she was in love with Maura. It could have been a moment just like this. Just an ordinary moment where she watched her best friend and saw her smile. It could have been when Maura touched her arm, poured her wine or dragged her to yoga class. But either way, the butterflies in her stomach were always there. She had gotten used to them living inside of her body. And she had learnt to deal with them too. She had figured out how to lock her feelings away. It was what she did. Even when it did not concern Maura.

It remained quiet for almost twenty minutes. Jane watched Maura as she begun hanging baubles, tinsels and small ornaments in the tree. She looked so comfortable, Jane thought. Maura was so used to having both Jane and Angela around and Jane felt at home. She came to Maura's on her days off because this was where she felt at her best. Where she could forget about the images of Hoyt that still haunted her and the scenes of dead teenagers, shot to death in a gang related shooting. Maura had always been whom she turned to when she felt unsafe, sad or scared.

Maura inspected one of the silver baubles in her hand and turned around when she felt Jane's eyes burn into her back. Their eyes met across the length of the living room and she smiled. "You know, you could help me."

"I am fine just here," Jane replied and felt a blush spread across her cheeks. Maura's eyes reflected some of the tree lights. She looked adorable, Jane thought. Like there were diamonds in her eyes. "I like watching you."

"I do love the Christmas times," Angela said, interrupting the conversation that blossomed in the living room. Jane's head whipped around in frustration.

"Christmas is actually a Pagan holiday, contrary to popular Christian belief. In ancient history, the twenty fifth of December was celebrated as the birthday of the unconquerable sun God, centuries before Jesus Christ was born in Bethlehem," Maura said knowingly.

Jane watched in a mixture of amusement and astonishment. Her position on the couch was perfect and a smirk lingered on her face. "And of course you know that."

"Actually, it's quite a well-known story, Jane. You should read more. And I don't mean the sports editorial" Maura said with a little grin. "There is plenty of evidence to support this theory. Early Christian churches also did not celebrate Christmas."

"Gees, Maur, you're a heathen!" Jane grinned. The medical examiner shot her a glare and Jane felt her stomach do an unexpected summersault. She flinched when the emotions rushed through her. Maura didn't seem to notice. Jane forced herself to smile. "A well-educated heathen, I have to add."

"I do really love the Yule tide, though," Angela chipped in again. Her eyes darted from Jane to Maura as she stood in the kitchen, hands covered in flower. She was making Christmas pudding. It had been the one thing that Jane had enjoyed about the Christmas time ever since she was a child. There was something about her mother's cooking that was special, something that had made her feel safe ever since she was a child.

Maura, who had been putting the last touches on a now stunning looking Christmas tree, turned around, silver bauble in hand. "The Yule tide is actually associated with the Winter Solstice, which is another Pagan holiday, December twenty-first, if I am correct."

"Maura," Jane smiled. "You're unbelievable."

"Thank you."

"Oh crap," Angela groaned and she began to remove her apron and wiped her hands on a tea towel. "I forgot to pick the cinnamon and sugar up when I was at the store. I'm just going to run out and get some or otherwise Jane will not have her pudding."

Maura looked up and smiled. "And we all know how grumpy she gets when that happens."

"Knock it off, Maura," Jane muttered but she smiled anyway.

The two women watched as Angela picked up her coat and her purse and Maura's car keys after she offered Angela could take the Prius. The front door closed behind her and now Jane and Maura were alone in the one place where they felt most comfortable. Now that Angela was gone, Jane's eyes drifted back to Maura. She had put the empty boxes back into the large box and now looked at Jane shyly. She rubbed her hands together, releasing glitter as she did so. Her eyes found Jane's. She took a deep breath.

"We need to talk."

"Yes," Jane sighed and she bit on her lower lip. "Yes, we do."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Ok people, this will be the last update before Christmas (unless I can find a few hours to write on Christmas Eve). Either way, Christmas has come early in Rizzles land this year. Let me take this opportunity to wish all of you, my kind readers, a Merry Christmas. I hope you get to spend it with friends and family you love. There will be at least one more chapter after this - and who knows, I might even squeeze out a little more if I can. Enjoy and thank you all for reading. The reviews are awesome. Merry Christmas!

* * *

**Chapter 9**

If there was such a thing as a deadly silence, Jane was convinced this was it. She was still sitting on Maura's couch, half empty coffee mug in hand. Her eyes were no longer fixed on her best friend who still stood by the beautifully decorated Christmas tree and seemed unsure of where to look. Maura was fidgeting. Something Jane knew she never did unless she was anxious or scared. Even without looking at her, she could feel it. A quiet sigh escaped her throat and she forced herself to look up. The tension in the room intensified when Maura's eyes met hers and their gazes locked.

"So," Jane began, her voice filled with nerves. "Are you going to sit down or do you want me to come to you? Because I might just fall over and knock down that gorgeous tree you just decorated."

A slightly clumsy attempt of humour but it was enough to break the tension and bring a smile to Maura's face. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to Jane, a larger than usual space between them.

"I don't know what to say," Maura began and Jane's eyebrows shot up.

"Well, there's a first."

"Jane!"

She had always liked the way Maura said her name and now that she heard it roll of the medical examiner's lips, Jane's stomach did another unexpected twist. She put down the coffee mug, afraid she was going to drop it otherwise, and then folded her hands in her lap, scars facing upwards. Dark eyes slowly searched for hazel green again and the room suddenly felt alive with electricity. There was a tension neither one of them could quite put into words but it was obvious they both felt it.

"What happened to Emily?" Jane asked. She had to know. She didn't quite understand why she was so desperate for that answer but it was like knowing what had happened would open up everything else. Ever since waking up and seeing how much time Maura had spent by her side, Jane had forgiven her for bringing the British woman to Boston. Her mother's words earlier had impacted. Maura had just tried to live her life, Angela said. She had tried to be happy because she wasn't sure whether she could wait forever for something else to come along.

Maura had never been the type of person to mask her emotions well and Jane could see a storm of feelings raging in her eyes. "She went back to London."

"I know," Jane smiled weakly. "But why did she leave? Did you two have a fight? What happened?"

"No. No fight" Maura answered and in her mind she was taken back to the moment Emily told her she was leaving. For just a few seconds she was sitting back in the small café, overlooking the snow covered world outside. She had not spent a lot of time thinking about what her ex-girlfriend had said but now that she sat across from Jane on the couch, she began thinking. "She just thought it was better if she left."

"Better for who?" Jane pushed, sensing there was something Maura wasn't telling her.

"You."

Jane arched an eyebrow and looked at Maura in bewilderment. "Me?"

"She saw that I wanted to be with you in the hospital, Jane. She understood that I could not leave," Maura replied and Jane began to notice the slight hesitation between every word. Maura was trying to phrase her sentences so that they would make her feel comfortable, so that she could hide whatever it was behind those words. It was what she did, Jane knew. Maura tried to hide behind her intelligence when she was hurt or suffering. Jane knew her well enough to see it and she realised suddenly that she also knew her well enough to actually _hear _it. "Besides, I didn't think we were right for each other anyway."

"Yeah, can you imagine that accent rubbing off on you?" Jane tried to humour her friend but Maura didn't smile. Her own smile slowly faded. "Maura, I'm sorry for the way I behaved when Emily was here. I don't know what got into me. It is not like me and I am truly sorry. Believe me, Ma pulled me up on it and you know what means."

Maura's hazel eyes darkened. "Frankie pulled you up on it too."

"Frankie? Wait, what?" Jane felt the panic spread when she realised what Maura was saying. The fight or flight emotion kicked in and she mentally restrained herself. Her heart suddenly pounded in her chest. "You heard that?"

Maura nodded. "It was quite difficult not to."

"Oh Maura," Jane sighed. Sadness reflected in her eyes. She had never even considered Maura overhearing her and Frankie in the garage. She felt horribly guilty. "How much did you hear?"

Maura swallowed hard. "Enough."

"Maura, I…."

Maura shook her head. She had not told anyone she had overheard the fight between Jane and Frankie the night of the accident. She had gone over to try and talk to Jane, alone, without anyone hearing them. But she had heard their voices before reaching the door and curiosity had gotten the better of her when she realised Frankie and Jane were arguing about her. After Jane had stated that her brother's observations were wrong, Maura had heard her stomp towards the door. She had quickly rushed back into the kitchen, only to be cornered by Emily and have her kiss her. When Jane had walked in, Maura had seen the hurt in her eyes. Then the call had come in and Jane had left. Maura had also never told anyone she had seen the detective cry in her car. She opened her mouth to speak but she was cut off by a loud knock on the front door.

Jane groaned in frustration when Maura stood up and went to answer it. She recognised Frankie's voice from the hall and looked over her shoulder when her brother walked in, dressed in uniform. He positively beamed when he saw his sister. "They got him, Janie!"

"Got who?"

"Montoya!"

"They got Montoya?" Maura said. A wide smile spread across her face. She looked over her shoulder at Jane, who seemed to startled to respond. "That's fantastic news!"

"Korsak and Frost brought him in an hour ago. Worked together with Narcotics but we can have him for now because he tried to kill a cop. Doesn't make him popular with anyone," Frankie said, looking somewhat grim. The memory of what had happened to Jane hurt him. "DA says he'll go down for life. Bad man, Jane. Very bad man."

"You should join them," Jane suggested. All she wanted was for him to leave. As happy as she was to hear about Montoya, right at this moment in time she didn't care about the drug lord turned gangster at all. "It helps to be in on big cases like this, Frankie. I'm sure Korsak can squeeze you in somewhere."

Frankie nodded. "I thought you wanted to know."

"You could have just called," Jane smirked but then she noticed Frankie was holding a bag. "What's that?"

"Clothes from your apartment. Ma told me to go and get them and she asked me to pick up some food for Jo Friday," Frankie answered and looked around as if he suddenly realised Jane and Maura were alone. "Where is she, anyway?"

"Who, Ma or Jo Friday?"

"Angela is at the store and Jo is probably asleep on my bed," Maura smiled and Jane's eyes darted in Maura's direction. As much as Maura loved Jo, she had always managed to keep the little dog off her bed. Apparently, her techniques were no longer successful. "Are you coming over for dinner tonight? I believe your mother is making Christmas pudding."

"Sure," Frankie said and left the bag on the floor. "I'm gonna go and help Korsak and Frost. See ya later."

"Bye," Maura sighed and Jane threw her head back into the comfortable cushioning of the sofa in frustration when her brother let himself out. Maura turned back around and slowly sat back down beside Jane. It seemed that she was not finished talking yet.

"Can you believe him walking in like that? Just when we..." Jane began but when she saw the look in Maura's eyes she fell silent.

Maura chewed on her bottom lip. Throughout her time in the hospital, sitting at Jane's beside, she had often wondered about the things she had overheard in the garage. Jane had denied that she was in love with her. She wasn't even sure why those words had hurt so much back then. The pain had worn off after a few hours, only to return in tenfold when Jane got hurt. Maura never wanted to experience the fear of losing Jane ever again. She had been through this twice. And as she sat at her bedside she had found herself thinking there was nobody in her life like Jane. Somebody who made her feel so at ease in situations that seemed normal to anybody else but were almost frightening to Maura. Jane was the person who made her smile, who had taught her to enjoy some of the little things in life. And Maura knew there was still so much she could learn. And she wanted Jane to teach her.

Jane's nervous eyes raked over Maura's slender frame. "Maur, say something. Anything. You're scaring me when you're this quiet."

"What happened between us, Jane?"

"What?"

"Something has changed, hasn't it?" Maura asked softly. A tear glistened in the corner of her eye. "In our friendship."

"Maura," Jane sighed and leant in as far as she could and took the medical examiner's hands into her own. "You are my best friend. I know I was an ass. And I know that I hurt you and for that I am so, so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you. But we are still us, OK? We are still…." She hesitated. "…friends?"

"Are we, Jane?" Maura asked. So many emotions flickered in her green eyes. Jane felt herself being sucked I, drowning slowly in those intense oceans of feelings. "Friends?"

Jane swallowed and remembered what her mother had said earlier. Something about telling Maura the truth. She couldn't quite recall Angela's words. Twice she had nearly died. She had survived shooting herself, being tormented by a serial killer and his various apprentices and she had been knocked down by a car at full speed. She had had guns pointed at her, knifes put to her throat and abuse hurled at her like no other. And yet she was afraid of sharing her deepest feelings. Of speaking the words she knew could change her life. Jane took a deep breath and took the plunge into the ice cold water of emotions, not knowing whether she would be saved or would be left to drown.

"I have never met anyone like you, Maura Isles. Your intelligence puts me to shame and it frightens me sometimes. You are adorably anti-social and I wouldn't want to change it for the world. You are so literal at times and yet you remind me of a child. Your naivety is beautifully endearing. And I am afraid every single day that I am going to lose all of that. That someone is going to come along and take it all away from me and it will be too late for me to realise all the beautiful things that I have lost are all the things I never wanted to lose."

Maura blinked a few times. "Jane…."

"Just listen to me. I am not sure why it took me having to nearly die twice to get this right but I need for you to understand this and I am not sure if I could do this again," Jane gently cut her off. Her thumb drew circles on the back of Maura's hand. "I love you, Maura. Don't ask me when I figured it out but I did. But loving you scares me. I am afraid that any bad guy that enters our live is going to try and hurt you. I am afraid that if something happens to you I won't be there to protect you. Me loving you makes you vulnerable. It makes both of us vulnerable. I want us to be friends. I want us to be best friends. I want to laugh with you like all the times before. I want to look at you and be surprised every time I do."

"We can be friends," Maura said. More tears now glistened in her eyes. "If you want to."

Jane shook her head. "It isn't like we can put all of this in a box and pretend it never happened."

"I didn't think you would ever say those words" Maura admitted quietly. "Even your mother didn't think you would, Jane. She told me so not long after I introduced Emily to her. She said that although it pained her she was happy to see I was trying to move on. She said that no one should wait forever."

"She knew," Jane breathed, once again marvelled by her mother's ability to see through people's complicated layers. "About us?"

Maura's lips curled up. "Does that surprise you?"

"No/"

"Something hit me when I was talking to Emily in the café. I thought that it was the most normal relationship I'd ever had until I realised there was you. All the jokes people make about us being like a married couple," Maura said and Jane frowned. She was unaware Maura knew about the jokes Korsak and Frost made, let alone that she actually understood them.

"So," Jane said, realising they had reached a point of no return. She sheepishly smiled. "What do we do now?"

Maura's eyes searched Jane's face. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't ever want to lose you, Maura."

"Then don't," Maura smiled and moved closer to Jane. Her free hand searched for Jane's and now they sat, holding each other's hands. Jane could smell the sweet perfume and the vague scent of the vanilla shampoo Maura had used early that morning. It was her favourite. "And fear should never be the one emotion that controls us."

"Maura Isles, you never cease to amaze me," Jane smiled. The intense storm of emotions she had felt inside her was finally settling down. She tried to move closer and ignored the pain in her leg. She let one of her hands slip up and cupped the medical examiner's cheek. "And I hope that you will continue to amaze me every single day."

"I'll try," Maura smiled and a playful twinkle appeared in her eyes. "Can I kiss you now?"

"I don't know," Jane smirked teasingly. "Do best friends kiss?"

Maura just smiled. "These best friends do."

And then her lips were pressing softly against Jane's. Tentatively and nervously at first, as if still looking for that final bit of reassurance. But when Jane's arms snaked around Maura's back and pulled her closer, Maura lost whatever little bit of insecurity she still had. The tip of her tongue licked against Jane's lower lip, softly begging for her to let her in. And Jane parted her lips and greeted Maura's tongue with her own. Maura's arms slid around Jane's neck and into the thick strands of black hair. Jane, having more strength in her arms than in her legs, pulled the medical examiner unto her laps and Maura easily straddled Jane. Their lips never broke apart.

They finally parted after several minutes because the need for oxygen took over; Jane rested her forehead against Maura's. She looked up at her, deep into those hazel green eyes and she felt calm and at home. Maura's fingers absentmindedly ran through Jane's and she seemed lost in thoughts for a little while.

"What are you thinking?" Jane whispered and Maura smiled.

"Just that I am happy," Maura smiled and placed a light kiss on Jane's forehead. "And that I am glad you decided to conquer your fears."

Jane's lips curled up into a little smile and she lifted herself up far enough to capture Maura's lips with her own again. She softly tugged at the medical examiner's lips. It resulted in a soft moan coming from the other woman and somewhere deep down in Jane's stomach a large lion seemed to roar in pride and victory. Her hands rested on the small of Maura's back and softly she pulled up some of her shirt and let her warm hands slide across Maura's tender skin. Maura pressed herself a little firmer against Jane's body and the detective could feel the swell of Maura's breasts against her chest.

"I love you," Maura whispered into their kiss.

"I know," Jane replied, briefly taking away her lips from Maura's. "And it only took me having to nearly die twice for you to say it."

The front door opened and they heard Angela's footsteps. When she walked into the living room and found Maura still straddling Jane, a smile spread across her face. "If I'd known all it took was to go to the store, I'd have made Christmas pudding years ago!"


End file.
